The Importance Of Simplicity

I don't get often sick. Now it happened. I was challenging myself this fall that I will eat super healthy and only the healthiest vegetables and spices I can find and will that help? My job is challenging. We work long days with hundreds of people who have all kind of bacterias and viruses that we don't know. We work very close with them and spend time with them many hours in a place where the air is same all the time. So that would be a miracle if I didn't get sick in some point the time when there is over 200 viruses going on. That's what my doctor just told me that it's almost impossible to recognize the viruses right now when there is so many at the same time.

Oh well, I guess I'm not a super human even though I really wanted to be. I guess the body puts it to rest when it has worked too much. That happened to me. I have to tell that lately I haven't been able to rest much. But now I have had so much time to rest because I haven't been able to do house chores and it feels amazing. Even though my head is spinning a lot, still I feel so calm and relaxed because I have a permit to relax. Isn't it funny?

At some point I was looking forward to go for layovers because I didn't need to do anything there, I could just relax at the hotel room, watch some shows, read books and exercise. I didn't realize that until my husband said to me that he was sad that I had to go again and I was excited to go to work because I knew that after work I could go to hotel and just relax. Then I realized that I have made my own home an uncomfortable place. Why's that? Because I feel that I have to constantly clean, organize, cook or do laundry, non stop. No one asks for me to do that but I feel that I just have to because otherwise nothing works. We don't have food, we have a messy house and we run out of clean clothes. Sometimes I have felt that doing house chores is more work than being actually at work. I don't want to live like that.  Now when I have been sick, I have done very minimal, like I should. I just realized that all that is just in my head. I feel that I have to be the best wife and mother. I want to be a super woman, I want to be the most efficient as possible but I exhaust myself with that. I can't be all of that and I don't even want that. I want to do just the things that I like doing and try to delegate. Yes, I realized the other day that my husband can cook, he made green eggs it was delicious and I ate the left overs the next day and it was yummy.

Now I have been thinking that I don't want to stress about things that I really don't need to. The laundry will never end, the cooking never stops, the messiness will always be there I just need to learn to balance.

I just came from the doctor today and she gave me two more days of sick leave. I was sad because I wanted to go back to work, but I'm still too weak to work. I have to start to honor my body and mind. To be honest, I've been enjoying my time at home. I have rested, watched TV shows more than ever before and read book. I've been more relaxed than I can remember and slept so good for long time.

Keep it simple, don't try to over achieve yourself every day, it will exhaust you sooner than you think. If you can't relax, your body teaches you to relax, it knowns when it's too much.

The reality of life

As much as I love to be a mom I can't deny that it is a challenging job. Right now I'm suffering insomnia, it's the hardest thing you can get when you have a small child and a irregular job. As much as I love to be a flight attendant I have come to realization that it might be too much for me and for our family. Not having a network, my husband trying to study and me trying to catch up the sleep, it's very difficult. I have had difficulties falling a sleep after night shifts and it's not healthy for long term. I have had a dream to become a flight attendant since I was a kid, for three years I have been able to make my dream come true. I have also tried to reach up even higher to the sky to get a better flight attendant job in a biggest Finnish airline but I have to admit that it might be too much for me. When I started my job asa flight attendant I thought that would be the job that I do for the rest of my life, not necesserily in the same company but I thought that I finally found my calling. Now I think I have to let my dream go.

I've always reached up the sky and done everything to make my dreams come true. I have to say that I have done pretty cool stuff because I have let myself to dream and make them true. Now I have realized that sometimes you just have to let your dreams go if they are not bringing the best in to your life and if they are harmful for yourself or for your family.  Not to think bitter about it but reaching up other opportunities in your life and start dreaming again.

But it's not easy to let your dream go. It's like being an athlete and to get injured and know that you're not able to compete anymore.

Being a flight attendant has been the coolest job I have ever had. It is sometimes hard to describe. Everyday when you go to work you have no idea who you work with, do you know them or not, and what's going to happen in the whole day. You might get a phone call that the flight that you're supposed to go today is cancelled so you get a day off. Or during the flight can happen oh so many things that brings your day so many emotions. Sometimes you are rerouted to another destination if there's something wrong about the airplane or if the weather is not good to land to the planned destination. In that job you have to be able to multitask and if you're not good at problem solving, you'll learn pretty fast, because there's no other option. Being a flight attendant is so much more than serving beverages and looking pretty. Oh, that would be the easiest thing if it was all about that. Let me say, that it's 10 % that what the passengers see us doing. Our job is to be nurses, fire fighters, psychologists, polices, you name it. So far in my career nothing too crazy has happened but so many random things that only can happen in the air. So many times I have thought what if something happens and I probably freeze and don't know how to act, but the things what have happened in my flights I have surprised myself that every time I have reacted super fast and known what to do. And learnt from that what to do differently if that happens next time.  Every job has its ups and downs, my job has the irregularity and long days.  

My other job, being a mom is challenging too. Now when the baby time is over starts to be a toddler and I have no idea what to do. I thought life would get easier with your own child when you already know her and have survived the challenging newborn face, but now the things are going so much more complicated. Like one of my friend said that after a  while you start realizing that you have to start raising the child too, it's not enough anymore to just taking care of the child and responding the child's needs. It's harder than I thought it would be. To be honest, I'm lost sometimes. How many great ideas I had when I was reading all the good books about terrible two's and how I know what to do. And I've heard, it doesn't get any easier. Sometimes I feel that I'm scared of the moments when Isabella is having her melt downs and crying like crazy on the floor if she doesn't get her will. Every time when that happens, I freeze.

But spending time with her is priceless. She is learning so much right now. Only thing that I have to remind myself so often that house chores can wait, Isabella is only ones a child. I remember when I was a child and my mom was always at home with me but never present. If I asked her to play with me, she wasn't present, very often she was doing something else at the same time. Every time when I'm playing with Isabella I notice myself doing the same than my own mom did and I get so mad at myself and stop folding the laundry or what ever am I doing. My husband is awesome, he is always concentrating to Isabella when he is playing with her. He is the most wonderful dad I've ever seen. He is really present and never gets tired of playing with her or reading books to her. He's excited to teach to Isabella all kinds of things and I'm so proud of that. Every time she I see him with Isabella I admire him and trying to do the same.

There are so many things in this life to learn but your children are the best teachers. You learn so many things from them.