Give a Little Mercy to Yourself

I have always thought that because I love cooking/baking, I have to like throwing parties as well. I have forced myself to like it and pretended that it's fun. I have never thrown a party for myself. My mom and my sister love planning parties, so I thought that I need to love it too. But just recently I have realized that I don't like it. It's too much stress and planning. Yes, I love cooking and baking, but just for a small amount at a time. Every time when someone says that I have to throw a party I freak out. I don't like inviting a bunch of people because I feel like I can't enjoy that time because I have to host so many people at the same time. I love having guests, but just a few people at a time.

I would want to be that kind of person who enjoys throwing parties but it's a relief to finally admit that to myself that I'm just not that kind and it's okay. My husband is this very American person who enjoys having people over and hosting and there are not that many times that he wants to do something on his own. He loves parties and wants to encourage me to host as well. I am the opposite. I'm very Finnish. That's an opposite itself already but to open it up a little bit, I'm quite shy and I like privacy and my own space. In Finland, there's not a thing called "awkward silence". We can be a group of people and be silent at times and it's not awkward. I know that sounds really weird for a non-Finn, but silence and privacy are quite important things for Finns. During this two years that we've been married, my husband has taught me hospitality. I admire American hospitality and I've wanted to learn to be a good host but it has been really difficult because it's something that it's out of my comfort zone. My husband has been a very good teacher and been very encouraging and patient with me. Now I can say that I'm doing so much better.

Still, I'm freaking out a little bit if I need to cook for more than two or three people. I don't know why, but I think it's because it's hard for me to be in charge of the whole situation. I'm afraid that people won't enjoy their time or there will be this awkwardness. I would like to learn out of that. My husband is so natural with people, for me it's not that natural. He loves inviting people for lunch or dinner. Every time when he meets a new person, he wants to invite that person for a dinner and I freak out. I don't even know this person!! Yeah, well that's how you get to know that person, he usually responds to me. For a (shy) Finn that is not normal to have people over for dinner who are strangers. In Finland, it is very common that you get to know someone first quite good until you invite them over. A home is a private and comfortable place where you can relax and be yourself. Finns need to gain the person's trust first before they can share their comfortable and private home. This is something where I'm very Finn and I would like to grow out of. Well, I'm learning. Thanks to my loving husband who makes friends everywhere where he goes.

My husband and I love to travel and getting to know different cultures. My husband has been studying Finnish and his class is full of people from different cultures. I have had many friends all over the world and I'm used to different cultures. Sometimes even for me, it is even easier to get to know foreigners in Finland than Finns. That's because foreigners talk, Finns need to gain the trust first until they let you come closer, but when you have gained the trust, Finns are your loyal friends forever. The people who are used to foreigners and know different cultures they are more friendly and easier to get to know. Here is very common not to know your neighbor.

We got lucky when we moved to our current apartment. We enjoy our neighborhood and we have got to know our neighbors. Mostly, thanks to my husband. When we moved he wanted to invite everyone for coffee and introduced himself to every neighbor who he saw. To me, that was a little bit embarrassing, because I'm not used to that. You get to know your neighbors later if you get lucky. If he sees some of our neighbor who he knows already he is in a rush to go to talk to them. I am the opposite, I try not to notice them if I'm not in a social mood. But I've realized how important and nice it is to get to know your neighbors. We have got good friends from our neighbors and we do stuff with them. We help each other and invite each other to do sports or just hang out. That is totally new to me and I enjoy that. Little American comes out of me slowly. Life is fun and sometimes challenging living in two cultures.