6 Month Milestone

Today is the day that I've been waiting to come six months. Haha, you read it right. Our baby girl is today 6 months old. Why have I been waiting for this day to come since she was born? Well, let me be honest with you, she hasn't been the easiest baby. Now she is a bit more predictable and we have more tools to make our daily life easier and we are able to have more fun with her.

She has now started to explore her world more and it is fascinating to see her growth and development. It is also amazing to watch how the smallest things can be so adorable. Her finding her feet, her rolling over after weeks frustration, her eating solids, her playing with a pacifier and putting that to her mouth on her own and her discovering trash on the floor and trying to crab it without any success. She is now very curious of the outside world and every time when I'm pushing the strollers she wants to see where are we. That's the cutest thing ever! She still can't sit on her own and crawl but it's just matter of time when she finds out how that works. We have already lost our bets with my husband when she will crawl, but it's just so close!

The Americans 😆

I love going out with our little princess. I constantly set dates with my mom friends and going to different mom groups because I enjoy it and Isabella also loves it. I have found a totally new side of myself; being socially active :D! Who would have thought that a baby can encourage you to do that? I have been very shy child and started to come out of my shell when I was already in my twenties. My husband is the opposite of me. He loves social situations and I love that about him. He can make friends so easy and doesn't have problem asking people over. If it was up to him, we would have guests every day :D. But I'm too Finnish and I need some alone time. I hope our little one is having her dad's social skills so she wouldn't need to learn those social skills as an adult.

I have had for a long time this "getting rid of stuff" -mood. I feel like we are constantly buying stuff and thinking that "we need it". Our favorite store is this Red cross salvation army second hand store where you can find anything. It's so clean and well organized and they test that everything works before they put them for sail. We have bought furnitures, (most of the) baby stuff, dishes and much more from there. We go there weekly just to look around what they have. And almost every time I find something cute for Isabella (surprise!). So I got inspired by my cousin to have a break of buying clothes for myself. She said that she had a year break that she didn't buy clothes for herself and my reaction was instantly that how did you do that?? Her answer was simply that she stopped going to the clothing stores. I started to think about that and was excited to challenge myself to do the same but wasn't sure if I could do it. A year without any new clothes, that's insane! But at the same time I have my wardrobe full of clothes and there is lots and lots of clothes that I have never used. How stupid is that..? So what's the point of buying new clothes all the time if you don't use them, I asked myself. Now I'm thinking still should I do the break and the more I think about it the more excited I become. So this is closer to that step that I want, at least no more clothes for me.

Motherhood

Being a mom is one of the most challenging things I've ever done in my life. But at the same time it's the most precious and wonderful time in my life. Sometimes when I have hard time with Isabella, I'm thinking that how my life would be without her, and I realize that it wouldn't be the same, it would be boring and I would have this longing what I had and disappeared when I had Isabella. I wouldn't change this time for anything.

I have grown with her so much. I even told one friend of mine that I think I've grown 10 years, that is how I feel. My body, my face and my thoughts are older and more mature and I don't know what to think about that.

In this baby stage where we are now, there's no stability. That I have noticed for sure. When something starts being easier, there's coming something else after one or two weeks. We had hard time with her sleeping, it took a month and all of a sudden everything changed and she slept so good waking up only once a night. One night she slept through the whole night waking up after 11 hours! My husband and I were hurraying, but maybe too soon.. Now we are in this stage that she's rolling over on her crib and starts wining because she's stuck or then in the middle of the night she starts playing and she's so energetic so I have no other ideas than feed her so she could calm down. So we are back to the starting line.

One of my friend who has two toddlers said that the first year with the baby is constant changing. Going through different faces. There's so much developing in the first year so nothing is stable. It's exciting but sometimes exhausting.

Barbecuing at a nearby farm.

I've enjoyed my long maternity leave so much. I'm enjoying all the things that I can do with my sweetheart. I've kept myself (and Isabella) quite busy and it's good. I've never been like this before and I'm excited about how I've changed. First time in my life I'm social and trying to get friends and I think it's easier than ever before. Who would have thought? I'm going to different mom groups and sharing how're things with the baby and very often we have same struggles. It motivates me and helps me think that I'm not a bad mom or I haven't failed. Very often I feel that I'm glad we don't have those problems when I hear other moms' struggles. But at the same time trying to help them if I can.

Every face is very special and precious with your baby but you always wish your baby to be little bit further until you realize that it's over and you miss the baby time. Right now Isabella is rolling over all the time and gets frustrated because she can't crawl yet. She's really trying but doesn't have the ability yet. Just this week I heard many moms saying to me that be happy that she stays still. Then I said that I'm looking forward that she starts moving so it would be easier and could entertain herself little bit longer. We always want something else we don't have, right?

What comes to my well being. I'm doing so much better. I don't crave sugar anymore. I love good and nutritious food. I love cooking and exploring my cooking skills. I'm constantly looking for new sugar and gluten free recipes. I feel good in my body and now I have started to exercise as well little bit more when I'm not hurting anymore. It feels good to feel your muscles working. I feel alive. I just feel more tired than ever before. I feel that my hormones don't help me anymore to keep me going. Can't wait that I can sleep first night after almost 6 months.

The Challenges of The Baby Life

Isabella's first flight!

Our little princess is now almost 5 months old and I'm enjoying every moment with her, almost. When ever she reached the 3 month old stage she has been so much happier and easier baby. No holding her anymore all the time when she's awake. We visited US for Christmas for three weeks and she was like a new baby! We were so surprised how well she adapted to everything. Big dogs barking and licking her face, no reaction. Long car rides and we have a baby asleep! Shopping with mommy, so exciting (can you believe it?! Natural shopper 😜).

Look guys, she's sleeping!!

We were so excited about our easy baby, until we came back home.. It felt like we have a brand new baby again and even harder, she stopped sleeping during night...! We were exhausted because of the jet lag and our lovely girl is really testing her parents' patience. First week was horrible, she woke up EVERY hour. I didn't know what to do so I just started to give the pacifier to her and she became addicted to it. So now every time the pacifier has dropped she wakes up! So nice! NOT! I made a very bad habit for her. But at the same time it's easier just to give her that because it calms her down.

The best buddies

We also really wanted to start to give solid food when we come back home. So I started, first week was great, she was eating and enjoying the new tastes. Second week came and I kept giving her more food and different flavors and little by little she started to become very sensitive and was crying a lot and couldn't sleep during the day at all. So I became frustrated and didn't know what to do. I couldn't sleep much because she was waking up so much. She was clearly uncomfortable but I had no idea what to do. I was exhausted and thinking that this is our life now forever. It felt so endless. So it came out just today, that she's having a very first tooth coming and was constipated almost a week. No wonder she was little fussy.. The situation is little bit better now but I feel little worried about going to bed still because I know that I need to get up so many times because of her pacifier.. What a habit I created...! We'll see how the new week starts.

Burgers in America (why not?)

It is funny and also nice how this baby life goes through different stages. I feel that every week is different with her. If I have been frustrated and almost giving up (can you really give up parenting??), the next week starts differently and easier.

I love her stage right now. She is now crapping things with her hands, she's smiling all the time, she's testing her voice (which is sometimes quite loud..) and is so interested in of everything. It's fascinating to observe and follow how she's growing. We have so much fun with her together with my husband. She's adorable.

Christmas in Seattle

Life Unexpected

When I was still pregnant I thought that I knew everything about babies and if I didn't know yet, I wanted to learn and read so much. I did everything to prepare myself for my new and exciting life. I had many things in my mind what to do and what not to do. I didn't want to repeat other moms' mistakes. I was very prepared for all the difficulties what might come up and thought that I didn't need to suffer for the short and stressful nights with my baby girl. I had all the knowledge what to do since the baby is new born that what I should do and how I can make her to sleep through the night.  How wrong I was about everything. It wasn't that easy. The easy tricks didn't work with my baby. I was way too stressed about thinking to do everything right. I wanted it to work. I wanted to show to everyone how well I can take care of my baby and how I do things easier and we all are happier. But nothing went like that. I started to stress because I couldn't get my baby to sleep. She didn't sleep during the day much but slept her nights pretty good. I woke up with her only twice every night and thought that it was hard.

Now things are even worse. I thought that her nights would get easier when she gets older but it happened the opposite. She stopped sleeping during night. She wakes up so many times during night and sometimes I don't even know anymore what to do to get her back to sleep. I keep repeating to myself that this is just a face, hang in there. But man it's hard! I have absolutely no idea how many hours I'm sleeping a night. And I can feel it in my body. I keep eating quite well, avoiding sugars and wheat as much as possible and eating lots of vegetables and oils. I have been thinking about that if I ate like I used to did, so much candy and wheat I don't even know how exhausted I would be right now. Almost all the time I feel that I'm not present, because I'm so tired. I feel sometimes that when I'm talking to someone I'm not making any sense because I just can't think. I keep forgetting things and now I understand when new parents say that before you have a baby you have no idea how tired you can be. So now I have experienced the life unexpected. It's real. It's awful. But I'm still alive and well. I just keep repeating to myself that tomorrow is a new day. But I love my baby girl so very much! She has my whole heart and can't be mad at her. It's not her fault that she can't sleep.

Isabella is tomorrow five months old and she's developing so much almost every day. She has two teeth coming, she can turn from her back to stomach, she can put the pacifier on her own if it's close to her and she's eating solid food. I'm little sad that she doesn't enjoy breast feeding anymore. She used to spend 20-30 minutes eating breast milk, now barely 5 minutes.

Many moms say that they would do almost everything differently with their second one. I don't know what I would do differently. I had all the information what should I do, what works and what doesn't, but I just simply didn't know how to get that information in to practice. The only things I would do differently is that I wouldn't stress so much and tried not to be the "perfect mom". I just had to admit to myself that there's no shortcut to raise your baby. You just need to get to know your own baby and take all the advises and help you get and try and when you have tried everything you slowly learn what works with your baby. It's not easy but it's worth of all the hard work.

Hard Work, Good Results

I have been a mother now 9 weeks. It sounds so short time but it feels much longer. Our little princess is growing fast and learning everyday something new. Like we too as parents. Past nine weeks have been like a rollercoaster, lots of crying, frustration, puffy eyes, lots of joy and laughter. She gives us so much joy and we enjoy her company. Every day we are wondering how cute baby our little precious girl is.

I have always admired moms. They are like superheroes and they always find solution to problems and know what to do. It is funny how much you can learn from your baby. I feel already that within this last two weeks I have learnt to solve some problems that I thought I couldn't survive. I think that one of the best things for being as a mom, is to find new solutions. I have been all ears and eyes what comes to taking care a baby. I haven't been ashamed to admit that I have no idea what to do when my baby cries all days and nothing helps, I haven't even pretended to say that everything is all right when I have been clueless what's wrong when I can't get my baby to sleep during the day. But it is funny that no matter how much you get help and advices you still need to find your own way to solve your problems with the baby. One thing I have learnt for sure, that every single baby is a unique and what works to another doesn't necessarily work with your baby, you just need to learn to do things your own way.

Our baby was crying a lot first eight weeks. We have had much easier now when I have got her to sleep during the day. I got so much help but nothing seemed to help. After reading tons of baby books and magazines and discussing with friends and family who have kids I decided that she needs to know that there is a time for a day that she needs to sleep. So I helped her to get to that routine and after waking up in the morning I ate breakfast, got her ready and started my morning walk with her. I decided that I need to get her sleep even once during the day. I walked so much. I was walking an hour and 30 minutes and she was sleeping. When we got home she woke up and I was a need of a nap and my legs hurt.. I fed her every three hours and when she started to get tired I put her in the carrier and carried her an hour or so and every time she fell a sleep. I did that one week and I was exhausted. I was so done with my morning marathons and being up on my feet the whole day until my husband came home so he could carry her for a change. After one week I was complaining to my husband that it can't go like that, I need to stop carrying her when she sleeps, there has to be some other way to get her sleep than walking with her or carrying her. My husband listened to me and said that be patient this is just a face, it will end one day. And believe it or not, it ended! The next day I was for a walk with our neighbour who has a baby too and I was complaining our situation to her that I'm tired of this that she doesn't sleep during day. Then my neighbour said that try to put her outside to the balcony to sleep. I said I did try that earlier but she doesn't sleep there, every time the strollers stop moving she wakes up

. My neighbour heard my frustration and said, just try. Then I tried and it worked!! She was sleeping her first long naps (2 hours) outside! I was so amazed. As a Finn I was a pessimist and thinking that I might got just lucky that it wouldn't work next time, but what happened, she was sleeping again the next day two hours and again and again and again! It worked! My hard work was paid dividends! I was so happy. Finally I got her to sleep during the day and I could get some things done meanwhile and as a result we have now happier and more satisfied baby!

Isabella sleeping on our balcony

Now you might think if you're not a Finn, that what on earth, you put your baby outside to sleep?! Yep, that's how it goes here in Finland, the babies sleep so much better outside. We put lots of clothes on for them and they are all covered inside the bassinet that sometimes they are even sweating when they are done with their naps. It is a long tradition and everybody who has a balcony or backyard do that for their babies. Of course there is a limit that if it is more than -10 Celsius degrees then it's too cold even for the babies to sleep outside. I have no idea what I will do when we go to visit US for Christmas, I don't want to deal with policemen..! Then I guess I need to find new solutions and my baby will teach me. Parenthood is all about learning and finding solutions for the problems.

The Baby Has Arrived

Being a mother is not anything what I expected. It's so much more. When I was pregnant I thought I was fully prepared for everything. Also I had been babysitting new borns and other babies and toddlers so much so I thought that I am natural mom who will know all the tips. I thought that our baby won't cry or if she does I know how to make her calm down. I had also prepared myself of various kinds of parenting tips reading books and magazines and thought that nothing couldn't go wrong.

How innocent and unaware I was. Our baby started to cry right a way when we got back from the hospital and we didn't know what to do. I was so tired holding her after feeding her all the time so I put her to the bed and thought that now I start the training for her that she would need to learn how to entertain herself. She wasn't even a week old.. I had so much pressure from myself that I needed to succeed and I needed to show to everyone how good mother I was and how I knew how to raise a good kid. I knew so much but I had no idea how to relax and how to begin. I didn't give myself time to relax and enjoy the little baby girl. At the same time I wanted everything else to work at home. I wanted our home to be clean all the time and wanted to be able to cook and be a good wife. Also I had so much other things I wanted to do. I wanted to know so much more about nutrition and more about baby stuff. I had many books I wanted to read but I was exhausted to start any of them. I felt annoyed every time when I was to interrupted of the things I was doing. When I fed the baby I didn't know what to do with her. I had no idea that I needed to put her back to bed because she wasn't able to do anything else. So I tried to keep her awake and she was crying so much. I didn't know what to do. Then I tried to put her to bed and that didn't work. I felt like a failure. The first day when my husband went back to school I was crying together with my baby because I didn't know how to calm her down. Then my husband came home, took her and she fell asleep. I thought that I was not made for being a mom. I wanted to give up.

Still three weeks later I have this huge pressure in my shoulders that I need to do everything right. The funny thing is that no one expects from me that. I just have these goals in my head what I want to achieve with the baby but it feels impossible. I just want to show to everyone that taking care of a baby is just an attitude question. This is the first time I can write my thoughts down. I feel that I finally can do it. After hearing older mothers and reading others'

experiences about the first weeks with a baby I feel that I am not a different than any other mom. I finally could admit that to myself that no matter how well you prepare yourself for the parenthood the reality is always different. You never know what kind of your baby is and how challenging it actually is. So small human has such big needs. It's a full time job and you need to give up your old life style.

First time outside walking 

I also realised that no matter how old you are when you become a mom, everyone is still as unprepared as anyone else. The journey starts when you get to hold your little one for the first time. That moment is so beautiful but also scary because from that moment everything changes. There's not just you anymore, there's a a half copy of yourself who you need to keep alive 24/7. The patient what you need to have is something that grows along the journey of motherhood. I realised that this is not a competition that I need to win. There is no "the best mother" prices.

These past three weeks feels longer than it has been. I feel that I have grown a lot after she was born. She has taught me so much patience and every time when I look at her I realise how big miracle she is. I feel so much love for her, that kind of love that I have never experienced before, I guess it's called unconditional love. It is amazing feeling. Every evening my husband and I are looking at our little princess how beautiful she is. She is the fruit of our love. She is so pure and beautiful. Every time when she has slept longer than an hour I start missing her. When I smell her smell in my clothes I start missing her smell from her skin.

The Last Weeks...

I am so done. My appetite is crazy, my emotions (read hormones..) are too much and the lack of sleep is killing me. Oh well, I am sure all the moms now think that "she doesn't know anything yet, wait when the baby is here!", but at least then I have my body back to normal, I can get more things done and some of that long lost energy back.

I feel that I've been waiting for so long this time where I am right now. I knew that I'd be tired and without energy at this point but some days I feel that this is just overwhelming. Normally I am quite active person and I like to go places, see people, do things with my hands and do sports. This pregnancy has been quite a challenge to me because I haven't been able to do those things. Last few months I have been tired and felt very heavy which have discouraged me to do stuff. I still ride my bike, but my bump is hanging now quite low so it is little bit difficult and I can't go that far anymore. I am very happy that I can ride my bike. I wouldn't have believed in the beginning of the summer that I still could do it! Since we don't have a car and taking a bus costs too much money for us right now, I'm happy that I can go places still quite easy. But other than that, my life is now pretty limited. Walking is not my favourite right now, it feels so heavy! I'm still trying to do some yoga because my shoulders, back and my butt muscles are aching because of the limited sleeping positions (which I have two..).

But I don't want to complain more.

Ps. These pictures are taken at our neighbourhood

33rd Week's Dilemma

This is my 33rd week and I'm getting impatient. I don't know how I feel when the weeks gets closer and closer but right now my wellbeing is tested. Being pregnant is a hard work. I had no idea. Even thinking about it to do it again and again and maybe once again puts me to think that can I really handle all of this uncomfortableness and different kinds of pains and symptoms. We'll see how things go, and it could be that I don't remember all of this such a painful process like it is right now. And like they say, the second pregnancy goes faster and sometimes easier when you already know what to expect.

Being pregnant is at the same time exciting and frustrating. To me at least it has been like that. It is fascinating to feel a little human growing inside your belly and to see all the changes in your body. There are so many things which are hard to explain to my husband but fortunately he is very patient and also I have friends who I can share my journey on becoming a mom. It is so helpful to hear other moms having similar thoughts and symptoms and frustrations when being pregnant. It gives me strength and motivation to keep going, one day I will see our precious treasure.

One day I was going through the clothes what I have bought for our little one and then I was thinking that how funny it is to prepare everything to someone that you haven't met yet. How do I know how does she looks like? Do the clothes that I have bought look good on her? What is her colour? As you can tell, I have a lot extra time. These are so silly thoughts I have but also good thoughts to not to go crazy with the baby stuff before the little one is here.

Who needs a table when you
can eat from your bump?

I would say that the third trimester is definitely the hardest time. I remember being so anxious when my bump wasn't still growing and I had to wear so skinny clothes so people could see that I'm carrying a baby inside me. Second trimester was definitely the easiest time when I didn't suffer the morning sickness anymore. I could go for long walks and even though I didn't enjoy my body and felt uncomfortable still I could do anything to go back to that stage, or not having at least this back ache that I have now. Now I suffer lots of uncomfortable symptoms. They are pretty normal pregnancy symptoms but people don't talk about these symptoms that much. I understand, I don't feel like complaining all the time either. Fortunately I don't have a big bump because I don't think I could handle that. It's hard enough to carry even this one. I would need to stretch my back and shoulders every 15 minutes and that's what I do in order to keep myself little bit more comfortable. Okay, I'm lucky that I'm still able to ride a bike. That is getting harder and harder too but at least I don't need to walk everywhere. And what comes to walking, it's not that easy anymore.. I need to rest quite often.

Gift from the Finnish government

When I started the 33rd week, I faced a new pregnancy symptom, hunger. And I don't mean the same hunger what I had in the first trimester but now I feel that I'm starving all the time. I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel that I will die if I can't have something to eat. It's crazy! I need to eat every three hours because I'm so hungry. And I don't like it. Thank God I quit sugar! At least now I eat something healthier instead of buns and cakes.

The baby shower gift
from my best girls

What comes to my new diet, it's really working. Quitting sugar was really difficult especially now when I have these crazy cravings but I'm glad I did it. I feel much better mentally. I don't need to stress about the food or what do I bake. Even having guests over doesn't cause me stress because I don't need to create something "special" for them like I used to think. I can't wait to see how do I feel after giving birth do I have more energy because I don't eat sugar. Well, maybe that is not still the best time to test myself in that area since I'm sure I won't have too much energy anyway because of the baby.. but anyway, I'm sure that it helps me to have even little bit more energy than comparing if I ate the same way like I did 3 months ago. I'm also curious to know more and more about nutrition. I have such a hunger for new information and I love it. The more I know the easier it gets to rationalise that I don't need sugar and wheat. Oh yes, I still have cravings, every once in a while I would love to have a bun or ice cream but now I don't have that "need" anymore that I used to have. I can rationalise myself not having it. And I also know that I can survive without it. My husband has been very encouraging to me. He has his own battles with sugar and wheat but at least he keeps me not having all that junk at our house.

Of course I don't want to become too strict with this new diet. And I don't want it to be a big deal where ever I go. Whenever I go visit someone or if there is a party of course I am going to eat the food what they have there. It's not harmful to eat some cake or sweets if it's just a one time thing. Also I don't need to eat that if there is something else to eat. But for example we are going to wedding and there is a cake, I will eat the cake (not the whole cake though..). I won't make myself to feel guilty about eating something if it's just a one time thing. Although everything is about making a decision. Not giving up to your desires. When I realised that, giving up of sugar was so much easier.

Everything is ready for the princess!

The Third Trimester

I'm now in my seventh month pregnant and time just doesn't seem to fly at all. But when I look back from where everything started, yes, time has flown. But right now everything seems to stand still. It might be that I've been too much at home. I'm more than ready to welcome our little princess to this world but I guess the time is not yet.. Oh well, I just need to be patient.

It's so wonderful to feel the baby moving inside me. This week has been incredible to feel how much she has grown. Now I really can feel kicks and they are strong! It's also amazing to feel her rolling around my womb and sometimes feeling her back or butt or head (don't really can tell the difference yet which one I can feel, but anyway it's definitely bigger than a foot). The fact that I can feel her so strong now has made me (finally) realise that there's actually a real human inside me. It's same time exciting and frightening. I also enjoy to let my husband to touch my belly when ever she's moving. I want him to get a little piece of that what I'm experiencing and to connect with her already. I can't wait to see him holding her!

I have been looking forward to this third and final trimester. Every Monday I'm excited to start a new week and realise that The Time is becoming closer. The horrible morning sickness seems to be so far away and I remember saying to my husband that I don't know if I can do this another time because it was so horrible. But it's funny how sometimes the bad memories fade away.

One of our favourite hobbies is travelling.
This picture is from visiting our friends in South Korea 

I've been reading and hearing about the third trimester so much and how tiring and exhausting it is. So, I'm now there, but still feeling quite good. I love mornings because I have the most energy during that time and I get things done. After three o'clock I start getting tired and have less energy. I have also needed to slow down my daily exercises which I loved. Now I can barely go for little walk and I need to sit down. I'm happy that I can still ride a bike. We go almost everyday for bicycle ride with my husband and I love it! So, I guess I'm not that far away anymore to get the rest of the third trimester symptoms. I just feel sometimes so funny in my body. It feels very often that it's not mine. I'm not used to have a belly and I feel so clumsy and injured. I feel especially now that I have some surgical wound in my stomach because it's very sensitive. I can sleep only on my both sides and moving around is so difficult, not speaking about getting up. Also my back gets tired very fast and I can't be in the same position very long. Everyone keeps telling me that it's getting even more difficult. I'm also already thinking about how I can get back to the shape.

My sugar free diet has been going quite good so far. I've had major cravings almost everyday (today I didn't yippee!). I don't know when that starts to get easier. I'm now more excited to do groceries because I can buy so much vegetables and now in the summer time they are super cheap! I'm also excited to eat healthier because it feels so good. I really hope not to get back there where I was. I guess I just need that decision not to go there. I also need more information about bad food and what bad food makes to your body. That's the way I work. The more information I get the more convinced I am and want to stay there.

We love bicycling!

Tomorrow is our first anniversary and I'm pretty excited about it. I'm still so in love with my husband! He really is God's gift to me. He knows me so well and knows how to handle me; gently, with care and love. I never could've imagine how someone can get to know me so deeply inside and out. I love that feeling. He knows all my faces and knows if something is not right without asking me or if I refuse to admit that. I'm so happy to be married to him.

Towards To Healthier Life

It's not that easy. Trust me. I mean to be more healthy, or actually eating healthy. Temptations are everywhere. Every time when I go visit my friends or where ever it's difficult. Well, I have made a decision that I'm not going to make a big thing or any thing about my "new" eating habits. But it is quite funny how I can taste sugar about everything now. How different way I'm looking at different food products because I know some facts about that now. It's funny how a new different world opens when you start learning something really simple and digging little bit deeper. I would like to tell the whole world about the things what I've learnt about nutrition but I don't want to be pushy or fanatic. Instead of that I want to be an example and if someone asks me how my skin has gotten better I will tell.

Blueberry picking

His first time picking blueberries

But boy it's not easy, to be sugar free. It's everywhere. Okay, I'm not completely out of sugar yet, but at least I am not baking anymore from sugar and trying to avoid it as much as possible. I get sugar cravings everyday but it's not that strong anymore. I don't get frustrated or angry anymore because of the cravings. And imagine, dark 80% chocolate tastes good for the first time of my life! That is something new. The funny thing about this sugar free trial is that I taste sugar better now. It has been only four weeks since I started to eat better without sugar and already I can feel that less sugar is enough and it's not even hard. I really hope that my tolerance gets lower and lower. The sad part of all that is though, that my dream was to have a bakery one day. But now it feels wrong to feed people something that is not good for them.

It is funny that I feel that I can't get enough information about sugar. I want to know more and more. I have read only three books for now and one of those is based on children and their eating. It is very interesting topic for me at the moment when I have to think about my baby and how I'm going to raise her. I love sweets, cakes and pastries. I also love baking. It has become such a big part of me. Now I feel that I've let my friends and family down when I can't do that anymore. Okay, I admit, I kind of got little bit obsessed about it. And I've realised that the biggest reason why I wanted to bake so much was that I loved people's reactions when I baked something. I loved to hear how good I was at baking and how happy I made people. I barely never ate my cakes or other things I baked. I wanted to try but I didn't want to eat them more, I just didn't feel like it. I was baking because I liked it and because of the endorsements (it's hard to admit but that's the truth). But everything changed when I got pregnant. I was baking because I needed to eat the cakes and all that sugar. But I'm glad that phase is over now. I'd still want to but I know what it causes so I don't do that.

It is also funny to notice how much calmer I have become about food. I don't need to think about that all the time. I know that if I don't get food in certain time I won't die. I'm not obsessed about eating fruits anymore. I don't need to count how many fruits I have eaten to get the vitamins I need. Or how many times I have eaten a day. I've become more relax and I feel so much lighter. I don't need to stress about it. How funny all of this might sound like but I think I have had some kind of obsession about food. Now when I know what is healthy food, how much and how often I should eat, life is so much more simple. The best part of all of this is that my husband loves the new diet. It encourages me so much to continue and find more healthy recipes to cook and I don't need to stress about it.

Cleaning the blueberries 

I can't wait to see the real results how the new diet works after I give birth. Right now I just feel tired and don't have that much energy because of the baby. But there are some results already that I've noticed about myself. My skin looks better and my stomach is not bloated.

What comes to the pregnancy, I'm ready for the baby to pop out. It's getting harder and harder to sleep and move around. I don't have much energy to do stuff. I even get more clumsy which is difficult to imagine after all that clumsiness that I already am. I've become so clumsy that I even fell with a bike.. Nothing dramatical happened but my hands are bruised and I got so scared is the baby ok, she is, I can feel how she moves around. But the clumsiness is frustrating. It feels difficult to get up from the bed, couch or anything comfy. And I don't say that because I feel lazy to get up from the comfy places (sometimes that too), but it actually is uncomfortable and sometimes even hurts my groin.

I have ten more weeks (at least) to go and life is getting more and more exciting. Looking forward the future. I'm curious to see how big belly I can grow. Never before been so excited to get bigger!

Sugar Free Experiment

23.5.2016

So, I have now started my new adventure without sugar. I really don't know yet what to think about that, but the more I think about that the harder it is.. I found out that there is sugar almost every product that I buy from the grocery store! Crazy. Since I'm pregnant, I don't want to go too extreme with this adventure, I'm just trying to stay out of the sugar itself, such as cookies, candy, chocolate, pastries you name it.

I read this awesome book called "I quit sugar forever"

Canoeing in our first anniversary

by Sarah Wilson and that helps me to find some ideas what to do when the cravings surprises me. The basic idea of that book is to eat as clean and as fresh food as possible. It's funny how my mom has tried  for years to tell me to decrease the amount of sugar I'm eating and I've just laughed at her, why should I, I'm not gaining any weight or don't have any other reason to decrease it. But I just learned that I'm skinny fat. I might not gain any weight by eating crappy food, but my viscera is surrounded by lots of bad stuff which is even worse.. And what is kind of ironic also that my mom accidentally bought the same book a year ago and said sarcastically it's a really good book and I just laughed at her that why anyone would want to live without sugar? Such a waste, why you have to limit your life so much? Also my husband has tried to tell me the disadvantages of sugar and every time I have become very defensive and even got mad at him.

We love being outdoors

Well, here I am today with my new diet and life changing experiment. I'm curious how this will affect me and am I even able to continue this after few days. Mostly I'm just impatient to see the results. I guess it takes a while though.

Since I'm already on my maternity leave and a bit bored, I need to find out constantly something interesting to do. I'm happy that now I've found some motivation to read. I've always loved reading and been frustrated for years that I haven't have time or energy to read books. Now I have, plenty and I enjoy it! Mostly I'm just frustrated that I'm so slow reader and I would love to read more. I'm happy that I have the opportunity now to do all that. I've started to be interested in so weird things that I could have never thought to be. At least I'm happy that I have found something else to do than just watching TV. For years I was a slave of TV and I suffered because of that. Slowly I have found the books and something else to do. I don't need to follow any TV show regularly anymore and I don't have this obsession anymore to keep TV open even though I don't watch it. I feel that I'm so much calmer and can do other things better when I force myself to keep the TV closed as much as possible. Still watching TV is one of my favourite things to do.

I have been thinking about how I could enjoy this pregnancy time. Since the beginning of my pregnancy all the moms that I've met have said to me that "remember to enjoy your pregnancy, it's a unique time and it goes by faster than you think!". And I've just nodded and smiled to them but thought how on earth I can enjoy this time when I don't feel good at all. First months I was very nauseous, all the time, couldn't eat or exercises, I was thinking how can I find anything enjoyable about it? Then my belly started to grow and I felt that it just doesn't fit to my body because I feel that I'm exploding all the time. Now I could do some sports but I was very uncomfortable all the time. And now I have these stomach aches when I'm walking more than 15 minutes. I guess they are contractions and I have to slow down. I have to admit to myself that I have to listen to my body because I'm carrying something very precious inside me and don't want to suffer more than I need. So today I was thinking how I have used now this two months that I've been at home and found out that yes, I have enjoyed this pregnancy. Maybe not the way everyone keep telling me, but instead of complaining and having this anger and frustration about how I feel I have found the way to enjoy my time at home. I have found so much interesting things to do. I have crochet, learnt new ways to cook, got inspired of writing, read books and started to enjoy my life in general. I can do whatever I want. I still need to find that inspiration to read bible more.

I'm happy that it's almost summer and I can enjoy the weather. I'm also happy that I'm pregnant for my first time during summer since I need to stay home for so long. There's sun to keep me happy and make me smile. I have also learnt to be thankful for so many things and I think that it is very important thing to learn. It's easy to complain and be sad and of course there's time for that too but it's very important to find things to be grateful and happy and remind yourself about those things every now and then.

My creative husband is addicted to this chili sauce and adds it to everything. This time even to spinach soup...

Sugar Mama

18.5.2016

I am on my fifth month pregnant and already staying at home for maternity leave, since I am a flight attendant and can't work anymore. First I was super excited to stay at home after two years working so hard. Finally I could have enough rest and do whatever I wanted and enjoy my growing belly. Well, first it was fun. I started baking like crazy. After a while my lovely husband started gaining weight and I also started to have some marks for eating too much sugar. Okay, I gained weight too, a lot. But because of the baby of course. So I needed to take a break from that.

 I was baking everyday, sometimes even twice a day and cooking too. I spent the whole day in the kitchen and I had never enjoyed so much. I borrowed books from the library, googled recipes, went through all my baking/cooking magazines and still couldn't find enough to bake. I did some crazy trials sometimes they turned out to be good, sometimes not that good. At the same time I was thinking my future baby and how much I wanted to be healthy mom and healthy example for our little one. I was just thinking that this is just a face. I was craving sugar more and more. Everytime after eating lunch or dinner there had to be some dessert otherwise I jumped on the walls and got so frustrated. I didn't realise that I was addicted to sugar. I have always eaten sweets and loved baking but never been like this before. I blamed the hormones. 

One day my husband came home from the first aid course and told me that there is so much diabetes 1 for children in Finland because the moms eat so much candy during pregnancy. That information really scared me. I was one of them. After that we decided together with my husband that we wouldn't buy candy anymore. We could eat it if it was offered somewhere but we have to stop buying it. It was quite easy. We'll see how it will be in the future, but it has been now one month and I haven't bought a single candy. And can you imagine, I haven't had any cravings for candy! But, I'm still addicted to sugar.. I don't know how to do it, how to make my cravings disappear. I know many pregnant women have that sugar craving but I'm afraid that it will continue when the baby borns and I think it's not good for her to be influenced to that much sugar. Also my husband is suffering eating so much sugar. So I have to do something. I need a shock effect for this too. I also need new healthier recipes even for baking. Sugar free, yak.. Well, we'll see. 

But they are everywhere, the sugary recipes. Especially now when summer is coming, there are lots of parties during summer so cakes and other sweets are in every magazine. It's like torture! I want to bake, I want to eat those cakes, cupcakes, cookies, brownies, pies etc. Sigh. Then I look myself at the mirror and hate what the sugar has done to my skin. 

So, I still have few months to go before I stop growing my belly. It wouldn't need to grow anymore, it could stay like this. It's already size of a bowling ball. I'm scared it will grow still few months but at the same time excited to see how big it will be at the end. But I'm starting to be bored to stay at home. I feel like doing something useful. I'd love to go back to work but it could be quite difficult with this belly. Meanwhile I need to start thinking to do something productive how I can make myself useful and my current time exciting, while I'm waiting..

 ps. here are some of my creations just to make it even more difficult to stay out of the sugar..