Life Unexpected

When I was still pregnant I thought that I knew everything about babies and if I didn't know yet, I wanted to learn and read so much. I did everything to prepare myself for my new and exciting life. I had many things in my mind what to do and what not to do. I didn't want to repeat other moms' mistakes. I was very prepared for all the difficulties what might come up and thought that I didn't need to suffer for the short and stressful nights with my baby girl. I had all the knowledge what to do since the baby is new born that what I should do and how I can make her to sleep through the night.  How wrong I was about everything. It wasn't that easy. The easy tricks didn't work with my baby. I was way too stressed about thinking to do everything right. I wanted it to work. I wanted to show to everyone how well I can take care of my baby and how I do things easier and we all are happier. But nothing went like that. I started to stress because I couldn't get my baby to sleep. She didn't sleep during the day much but slept her nights pretty good. I woke up with her only twice every night and thought that it was hard.

Now things are even worse. I thought that her nights would get easier when she gets older but it happened the opposite. She stopped sleeping during night. She wakes up so many times during night and sometimes I don't even know anymore what to do to get her back to sleep. I keep repeating to myself that this is just a face, hang in there. But man it's hard! I have absolutely no idea how many hours I'm sleeping a night. And I can feel it in my body. I keep eating quite well, avoiding sugars and wheat as much as possible and eating lots of vegetables and oils. I have been thinking about that if I ate like I used to did, so much candy and wheat I don't even know how exhausted I would be right now. Almost all the time I feel that I'm not present, because I'm so tired. I feel sometimes that when I'm talking to someone I'm not making any sense because I just can't think. I keep forgetting things and now I understand when new parents say that before you have a baby you have no idea how tired you can be. So now I have experienced the life unexpected. It's real. It's awful. But I'm still alive and well. I just keep repeating to myself that tomorrow is a new day. But I love my baby girl so very much! She has my whole heart and can't be mad at her. It's not her fault that she can't sleep.

Isabella is tomorrow five months old and she's developing so much almost every day. She has two teeth coming, she can turn from her back to stomach, she can put the pacifier on her own if it's close to her and she's eating solid food. I'm little sad that she doesn't enjoy breast feeding anymore. She used to spend 20-30 minutes eating breast milk, now barely 5 minutes.

Many moms say that they would do almost everything differently with their second one. I don't know what I would do differently. I had all the information what should I do, what works and what doesn't, but I just simply didn't know how to get that information in to practice. The only things I would do differently is that I wouldn't stress so much and tried not to be the "perfect mom". I just had to admit to myself that there's no shortcut to raise your baby. You just need to get to know your own baby and take all the advises and help you get and try and when you have tried everything you slowly learn what works with your baby. It's not easy but it's worth of all the hard work.