The Baby Has Arrived

Being a mother is not anything what I expected. It's so much more. When I was pregnant I thought I was fully prepared for everything. Also I had been babysitting new borns and other babies and toddlers so much so I thought that I am natural mom who will know all the tips. I thought that our baby won't cry or if she does I know how to make her calm down. I had also prepared myself of various kinds of parenting tips reading books and magazines and thought that nothing couldn't go wrong.

How innocent and unaware I was. Our baby started to cry right a way when we got back from the hospital and we didn't know what to do. I was so tired holding her after feeding her all the time so I put her to the bed and thought that now I start the training for her that she would need to learn how to entertain herself. She wasn't even a week old.. I had so much pressure from myself that I needed to succeed and I needed to show to everyone how good mother I was and how I knew how to raise a good kid. I knew so much but I had no idea how to relax and how to begin. I didn't give myself time to relax and enjoy the little baby girl. At the same time I wanted everything else to work at home. I wanted our home to be clean all the time and wanted to be able to cook and be a good wife. Also I had so much other things I wanted to do. I wanted to know so much more about nutrition and more about baby stuff. I had many books I wanted to read but I was exhausted to start any of them. I felt annoyed every time when I was to interrupted of the things I was doing. When I fed the baby I didn't know what to do with her. I had no idea that I needed to put her back to bed because she wasn't able to do anything else. So I tried to keep her awake and she was crying so much. I didn't know what to do. Then I tried to put her to bed and that didn't work. I felt like a failure. The first day when my husband went back to school I was crying together with my baby because I didn't know how to calm her down. Then my husband came home, took her and she fell asleep. I thought that I was not made for being a mom. I wanted to give up.

Still three weeks later I have this huge pressure in my shoulders that I need to do everything right. The funny thing is that no one expects from me that. I just have these goals in my head what I want to achieve with the baby but it feels impossible. I just want to show to everyone that taking care of a baby is just an attitude question. This is the first time I can write my thoughts down. I feel that I finally can do it. After hearing older mothers and reading others'

experiences about the first weeks with a baby I feel that I am not a different than any other mom. I finally could admit that to myself that no matter how well you prepare yourself for the parenthood the reality is always different. You never know what kind of your baby is and how challenging it actually is. So small human has such big needs. It's a full time job and you need to give up your old life style.

First time outside walking 

I also realised that no matter how old you are when you become a mom, everyone is still as unprepared as anyone else. The journey starts when you get to hold your little one for the first time. That moment is so beautiful but also scary because from that moment everything changes. There's not just you anymore, there's a a half copy of yourself who you need to keep alive 24/7. The patient what you need to have is something that grows along the journey of motherhood. I realised that this is not a competition that I need to win. There is no "the best mother" prices.

These past three weeks feels longer than it has been. I feel that I have grown a lot after she was born. She has taught me so much patience and every time when I look at her I realise how big miracle she is. I feel so much love for her, that kind of love that I have never experienced before, I guess it's called unconditional love. It is amazing feeling. Every evening my husband and I are looking at our little princess how beautiful she is. She is the fruit of our love. She is so pure and beautiful. Every time when she has slept longer than an hour I start missing her. When I smell her smell in my clothes I start missing her smell from her skin.