Motherhood

Being a mom is one of the most challenging things I've ever done in my life. But at the same time it's the most precious and wonderful time in my life. Sometimes when I have hard time with Isabella, I'm thinking that how my life would be without her, and I realize that it wouldn't be the same, it would be boring and I would have this longing what I had and disappeared when I had Isabella. I wouldn't change this time for anything.

I have grown with her so much. I even told one friend of mine that I think I've grown 10 years, that is how I feel. My body, my face and my thoughts are older and more mature and I don't know what to think about that.

In this baby stage where we are now, there's no stability. That I have noticed for sure. When something starts being easier, there's coming something else after one or two weeks. We had hard time with her sleeping, it took a month and all of a sudden everything changed and she slept so good waking up only once a night. One night she slept through the whole night waking up after 11 hours! My husband and I were hurraying, but maybe too soon.. Now we are in this stage that she's rolling over on her crib and starts wining because she's stuck or then in the middle of the night she starts playing and she's so energetic so I have no other ideas than feed her so she could calm down. So we are back to the starting line.

One of my friend who has two toddlers said that the first year with the baby is constant changing. Going through different faces. There's so much developing in the first year so nothing is stable. It's exciting but sometimes exhausting.

Barbecuing at a nearby farm.

I've enjoyed my long maternity leave so much. I'm enjoying all the things that I can do with my sweetheart. I've kept myself (and Isabella) quite busy and it's good. I've never been like this before and I'm excited about how I've changed. First time in my life I'm social and trying to get friends and I think it's easier than ever before. Who would have thought? I'm going to different mom groups and sharing how're things with the baby and very often we have same struggles. It motivates me and helps me think that I'm not a bad mom or I haven't failed. Very often I feel that I'm glad we don't have those problems when I hear other moms' struggles. But at the same time trying to help them if I can.

Every face is very special and precious with your baby but you always wish your baby to be little bit further until you realize that it's over and you miss the baby time. Right now Isabella is rolling over all the time and gets frustrated because she can't crawl yet. She's really trying but doesn't have the ability yet. Just this week I heard many moms saying to me that be happy that she stays still. Then I said that I'm looking forward that she starts moving so it would be easier and could entertain herself little bit longer. We always want something else we don't have, right?

What comes to my well being. I'm doing so much better. I don't crave sugar anymore. I love good and nutritious food. I love cooking and exploring my cooking skills. I'm constantly looking for new sugar and gluten free recipes. I feel good in my body and now I have started to exercise as well little bit more when I'm not hurting anymore. It feels good to feel your muscles working. I feel alive. I just feel more tired than ever before. I feel that my hormones don't help me anymore to keep me going. Can't wait that I can sleep first night after almost 6 months.