Addictions

I'm addicted to cooking and finding recipes. My husband says that there're worst things to be addicted to. I can't help myself of finding new recipes and trying out new treats or foods. My husband and my 1,5 year old daughter are my guinea pigs. To be honest, they eat almost anything so if they don't like something, it's really bad..

Sometimes I'm little late with the newest trends. I might think that it doesn't sound good or it's stupid. And then I try something years later and am addicted. That's how I roll :D! So my newest passion and obsession is a smoothie bowl and warm healthy "afternoon" drinks. Only this week I found a smoothie bowl addiction and every morning I wake up excited to make and eat my breakfast. And afternoon when my little princess is taking a nap I make my warm healthy afternoon drink. Today I made this absolutely yummy Golden Latte. I found it from the Vanelja blog and you can find the recipe here: http://vanelja.fi/colorful-cozy-soul-lattes/ .

The smoothie bowl that I made this week got inspiration from the I quit sugar -website, but soon that website will not exist anymore :(. That has been my biggest inspiration for living a healthier life so I'm quite sad about the newest news what I heard about that website.

I'm on my 23rd week pregnant now and my appetite has grown like crazy. I could eat all the time, and I do actually. I try to keep it healthy but sometimes I just can't help myself when I get a sweet tooth. It's horrible and after eating something crappy sugary thing I don't feel good. I'm looking forward the time when I can eat healthy again and get rid of the sugar cravings. Sometimes I thin k how lucky our daughter is when she doesn't even get that option to have anything sugary and unhealthy. Yes, you read it right, we haven't given her sugar yet. We think that it's better for her future to keep her away from sugar as long as possible. We are aware that the time will come when we can't keep her away from sugar all the time but we have decided not to have sugar at our home because it's not good for anyone. Also she eats better when we don't give her sweets and when she's not use to artificial tastes.

We are moving in a week. I'm excited about to have a bigger apartment, almost twice as big as we have now. So you can only imagine my decoration inspiration. It's going out of control. The only thing and possibly the biggest thing is money. We can't afford all my inspirational decorations. But still I'm excited. After a year sleeping on a couch without a bedroom is nice to have a bedroom for ourselves. Also is nice to have some room in general.

Confession

I have to be honest with you guys. When you start reading my blog, you might think that I'm some kind of a "superhuman" who thinks it's easy to leave sugar from your life and start the healthy habits. I have to say that when I started this sugar-free journey almost two years ago I had to be very very strict with myself. I still need to be. I'm the type of a person who loves to challenge myself and see how far I can go. So I took this challenge for myself.

Before I started I read a lot of good literature (I love books!), made notes and started to get to know different kinds of new food ingredients, mostly vegetables. I took a whole new attitude towards healthier eating thinking that I want to feel better. Also, I was little curious would there be some help for my skin. It wasn't the most convenient time making big changes to my diet when I was pregnant but I really wanted to try and plus eating healthier would be just beneficial for myself and an unborn baby, right? So I quit sugar. It was hard. So hard. To be honest, that wasn't the last time when I quit sugar. During the two years, I've been eating sugar sometimes maybe little bit too much but always came back to the healthier eating. Every time it has been easier and easier to quit sugar. And every time I have realized how bad I feel after eating a bunch of sugar and wheat. I have also realized that sugary things don't taste as good as they used to do. Every time when that happens, I'm a little disappointed, why I even needed to put that garbage to my body since it doesn't even give me a pleasure?

When I was pregnant to Isabella I had very strong sugar cravings all the time. It was ridiculous. I also suffered the pregnancy diabetes. Before I got to know that I already had stopped eating sugar, but I guess it didn't help. After Isabella was born my sugar cravings disappeared. It was funny how fast it happened. Now when I'm pregnant again I try to be very gentle for myself. I suffered almost three months the morning sickness and it was horrible. So I had to be very gentle for my body because the only things that felt good to eat was bread, bread and sometimes ice cream. So I ate. A lot of garbage. But that was the only thing that helped me to feel even slightly better.

After our (unsuccessful) Thailand trip all of a sudden I felt that I need to start eating healthy. I was so bored with eating meat and chicken so I started to look for vegetarian recipes. For long time I've been wanting to cook vegetarian food but I haven't had the courage to even start looking for any good recipes. I have always thought that eating vegetarian is boring and you just have empty and unsatisfied feeling afterwards. I was so wrong. My husband has been asking me for long time when we start eating vegetarian and it could be cheaper too. I have always avoided that topic because it made me feel uncomfortable. Funny isn't it? I guess it was because cooking vegetarian was way out of my comfort zone. But this time my curiosity was stronger and I found amazing recipes from Deliciously Ella -blog and I was sold. I've been cooking now almost two weeks only vegetarian foods and it's amazing! The foods are so simple to make and tastes so good. I would have never believed that I could fall for vegetarian! And guess what? They are filling and don't let me feel empty. I haven't craved any meat! I don't know how long I can cook like this but I feel good and also my skin looks already better.

Lately I have been reading about different cultures' health habits. It's so interesting. So far I've read how people eat in Japan and why they are the healthiest people in the world. Currently I'm reading why French women don't gain weight even though they eat bread, chocolate, wine etc. So far I've learnt that it's all about balancing, appreciating everything what you put to your mouth and sitting still while you're eating. So simple, but nowadays how many can do that? So I started, I stopped reading while I'm eating. I enjoy the tastes of the food I eat and sitting on the table and found out that it's not boring. It's actually fun to taste all the tastes, every little bite you take you feel it. It's like a little meditation moment. At the same time it makes me to appreciate the food very different way than before. I love the new ways of learning how to be fully present. I've noticed it about everything.  We have a habit with my husband that very evening before Isabella goes to bed we spend a little family time. We all enjoy it so much. We play funny games with her, sing songs, build blogs or read books with her. You can really see how it makes Isabella more happy when she can be the centre of the attention and we can both spend quality time with her. I really hope that we can continue that habit for many many years.

My husband made a vegetable soup only using a blender!

I have noticed that I have a very different approach for my current pregnancy than I had last time. I'm more relaxed and calm than ever before. I'm glad I have a chance to do it one more time because last time I was very stressed, bored and uncomfortable all the time. Now I want to listen to my body and be gentle to myself. My mind is more calm and I don't get frustrated that easy. It feels great. I also want to feel the baby year with this baby different way than with Isabella. With her I was so stressed all the time when I wanted to be perfect mom and do everything different way than any other mom in this neighborhood, and I failed. Now I just want to take it easy and as relaxed as I can take it with our little toddler included. I want to feel that "baby bubble" that people talk about all the time. I have to say that I didn't experience that with Isabella. I was so stressed and worried all the time. But now I'm more aware of the things what can happen and have more knowledge about the tricks what works and what are worth of trying. And also now I know that phases don't last forever.

                                                             Have a peaceful week!
 

A dream which turned out to be a nightmare

My husband and I had a dream. We were dreaming to go for some warm, sunny place where we could relax and enjoy good food and have fun. We were dreaming to go to Asia where we really haven't been before. The only tropical place we both had been was Hawaii, but it was not really a vacation. So now we wanted to try Thailand. I was thinking that country to be a heaven because of the beautiful pictures I've seen and the delicious food I've tried. And also I was thinking that it has to be safe and amazing country since it's one of the most visited vacation places according to Finns.

The last fall was the worst for us. We both were so depressed and we literally were laying on the floor every day while our daughter was playing around us. We were so depressed that we didn't feel like doing anything or being social at all. I was just working and my husband was going to school and when we were at home, we laid on the floor doing nothing. The weather was horrible. It was raining literally every single day and it was so dark that we didn't feel like going anywhere else than to grocery store. It was probably the hardest fall ever for me adding to that I suffered for pregnancy nauseousness. Then I decided that I won't do it again. I simply can't handle it another time. 

Oh well, somehow we survived that long season and when my winter vacation became closer we decided to explore Thailand without any plan. That wasn't a very good idea. Before we left I talked with many of my co-workers who have been to Thailand and they all just told me how easy, cheap and beautiful and amazing country it is. No one told me anything what things you should be aware of.  So we went to Krabi. We were little nervous how our sweet girl will behave this time on the airplane now when she's 6 months older than last time we flew with her. It went okay until I tried to get her to fall asleep. After a couple of hours, I somehow succeeded and she was sleeping on the floor on my leg space. Of course, I couldn't sleep because I was afraid that she will wake up. And she woke up when there was still 4 hours left and she didn't calm down. Everyone on the plane could hear her and woke up because of our noisy daughter. It was a nightmare. People looked at me with very bad eye and I just decided to smile at them and ignore those looks, because what else I could have done? 

So when we arrived we didn't have any place where to go and had no clue where we should even go. Somehow we found for our first night a decent hotel room. We stayed positive and were waiting for the amazing time in Thailand we had in our minds. For the next day, my husband found an island called Railey. We took a boat and went there. There were no cars and only beach. It looked amazing, just what we wanted! So we stayed there and enjoyed. We decided to stay on that island for the rest of our time because we didn't want to stress about where to go next. We ended up in a nice hotel with a swimming pool. After a couple of days, my husband started to feel nauseous and we found out that he had a food poisoning. So he was out for the next day. It was horrible. When he started to get better I started to get same symptoms and I was out. Then I decided that I don't want to stay here anymore. I want to go home, now! The only problem we had was that there were only 2 flights per week going back to Finland and we were using my standby tickets without a seat. So we could only fly if there was room on the plane. There wasn't for two days. It was overbooked. I started to panic and then we were thinking that we could fly to Singapore from Krabi and then home. So we did that. We left the next day and I felt little better already. 

Enjoying the heat!

I fell in love with Singapore immediately. Only things I knew about the country were that it's super clean, chewing gum is not allowed and it's super expensive. Well, coming from Finland the prices weren't that bad. We were planning to stay in Singapore only one night and then fly back home but I started to feel bad again. The next day I threw up on the street and was afraid that someone will give me a ticket for that. That didn't happen. I just figured that I should go to the hospital since I'm pregnant and the vomiting and diarrhea have lasted for too long. So I went to the cleanest hospital I've ever seen. They took blood tests and ultrasound. After five hours being there, I got a permission to fly home and we sure did! The flight back was so much better with Isabella, she slept almost the whole flight, so did we. 

After all that we decided not to travel for a long time. It was way too much. Also traveling with a toddler is not the easiest. Isabella wants to walk now all the time and wants to do everything on her own and she can't do that much yet. She loves the water but she doesn't want us to hold her so it's kind of difficult situation. It was one of the worst vacations we have had so far. We had good times there but it was more pain than pleasure. Also if you think you can relax with a toddler, forget about it. 

Isabella loved coconut water!

So, another lesson learned. Stay home, hahah! Btw, I was five days still sick after we came back home and I had to go to the doctor in Finland again, but nothing was found. Just a typical tourist bacteria like the doctor said. You can bet that next trip we plan well ahead and when our youngest child is 3 years old. We can visit the US before that but nowhere else. 

 

Traveling with a toddler, do I need to say more?

The Importance Of Simplicity

I don't get often sick. Now it happened. I was challenging myself this fall that I will eat super healthy and only the healthiest vegetables and spices I can find and will that help? My job is challenging. We work long days with hundreds of people who have all kind of bacterias and viruses that we don't know. We work very close with them and spend time with them many hours in a place where the air is same all the time. So that would be a miracle if I didn't get sick in some point the time when there is over 200 viruses going on. That's what my doctor just told me that it's almost impossible to recognize the viruses right now when there is so many at the same time.

Oh well, I guess I'm not a super human even though I really wanted to be. I guess the body puts it to rest when it has worked too much. That happened to me. I have to tell that lately I haven't been able to rest much. But now I have had so much time to rest because I haven't been able to do house chores and it feels amazing. Even though my head is spinning a lot, still I feel so calm and relaxed because I have a permit to relax. Isn't it funny?

At some point I was looking forward to go for layovers because I didn't need to do anything there, I could just relax at the hotel room, watch some shows, read books and exercise. I didn't realize that until my husband said to me that he was sad that I had to go again and I was excited to go to work because I knew that after work I could go to hotel and just relax. Then I realized that I have made my own home an uncomfortable place. Why's that? Because I feel that I have to constantly clean, organize, cook or do laundry, non stop. No one asks for me to do that but I feel that I just have to because otherwise nothing works. We don't have food, we have a messy house and we run out of clean clothes. Sometimes I have felt that doing house chores is more work than being actually at work. I don't want to live like that.  Now when I have been sick, I have done very minimal, like I should. I just realized that all that is just in my head. I feel that I have to be the best wife and mother. I want to be a super woman, I want to be the most efficient as possible but I exhaust myself with that. I can't be all of that and I don't even want that. I want to do just the things that I like doing and try to delegate. Yes, I realized the other day that my husband can cook, he made green eggs it was delicious and I ate the left overs the next day and it was yummy.

Now I have been thinking that I don't want to stress about things that I really don't need to. The laundry will never end, the cooking never stops, the messiness will always be there I just need to learn to balance.

I just came from the doctor today and she gave me two more days of sick leave. I was sad because I wanted to go back to work, but I'm still too weak to work. I have to start to honor my body and mind. To be honest, I've been enjoying my time at home. I have rested, watched TV shows more than ever before and read book. I've been more relaxed than I can remember and slept so good for long time.

Keep it simple, don't try to over achieve yourself every day, it will exhaust you sooner than you think. If you can't relax, your body teaches you to relax, it knowns when it's too much.

The reality of life

As much as I love to be a mom I can't deny that it is a challenging job. Right now I'm suffering insomnia, it's the hardest thing you can get when you have a small child and a irregular job. As much as I love to be a flight attendant I have come to realization that it might be too much for me and for our family. Not having a network, my husband trying to study and me trying to catch up the sleep, it's very difficult. I have had difficulties falling a sleep after night shifts and it's not healthy for long term. I have had a dream to become a flight attendant since I was a kid, for three years I have been able to make my dream come true. I have also tried to reach up even higher to the sky to get a better flight attendant job in a biggest Finnish airline but I have to admit that it might be too much for me. When I started my job asa flight attendant I thought that would be the job that I do for the rest of my life, not necesserily in the same company but I thought that I finally found my calling. Now I think I have to let my dream go.

I've always reached up the sky and done everything to make my dreams come true. I have to say that I have done pretty cool stuff because I have let myself to dream and make them true. Now I have realized that sometimes you just have to let your dreams go if they are not bringing the best in to your life and if they are harmful for yourself or for your family.  Not to think bitter about it but reaching up other opportunities in your life and start dreaming again.

But it's not easy to let your dream go. It's like being an athlete and to get injured and know that you're not able to compete anymore.

Being a flight attendant has been the coolest job I have ever had. It is sometimes hard to describe. Everyday when you go to work you have no idea who you work with, do you know them or not, and what's going to happen in the whole day. You might get a phone call that the flight that you're supposed to go today is cancelled so you get a day off. Or during the flight can happen oh so many things that brings your day so many emotions. Sometimes you are rerouted to another destination if there's something wrong about the airplane or if the weather is not good to land to the planned destination. In that job you have to be able to multitask and if you're not good at problem solving, you'll learn pretty fast, because there's no other option. Being a flight attendant is so much more than serving beverages and looking pretty. Oh, that would be the easiest thing if it was all about that. Let me say, that it's 10 % that what the passengers see us doing. Our job is to be nurses, fire fighters, psychologists, polices, you name it. So far in my career nothing too crazy has happened but so many random things that only can happen in the air. So many times I have thought what if something happens and I probably freeze and don't know how to act, but the things what have happened in my flights I have surprised myself that every time I have reacted super fast and known what to do. And learnt from that what to do differently if that happens next time.  Every job has its ups and downs, my job has the irregularity and long days.  

My other job, being a mom is challenging too. Now when the baby time is over starts to be a toddler and I have no idea what to do. I thought life would get easier with your own child when you already know her and have survived the challenging newborn face, but now the things are going so much more complicated. Like one of my friend said that after a  while you start realizing that you have to start raising the child too, it's not enough anymore to just taking care of the child and responding the child's needs. It's harder than I thought it would be. To be honest, I'm lost sometimes. How many great ideas I had when I was reading all the good books about terrible two's and how I know what to do. And I've heard, it doesn't get any easier. Sometimes I feel that I'm scared of the moments when Isabella is having her melt downs and crying like crazy on the floor if she doesn't get her will. Every time when that happens, I freeze.

But spending time with her is priceless. She is learning so much right now. Only thing that I have to remind myself so often that house chores can wait, Isabella is only ones a child. I remember when I was a child and my mom was always at home with me but never present. If I asked her to play with me, she wasn't present, very often she was doing something else at the same time. Every time when I'm playing with Isabella I notice myself doing the same than my own mom did and I get so mad at myself and stop folding the laundry or what ever am I doing. My husband is awesome, he is always concentrating to Isabella when he is playing with her. He is the most wonderful dad I've ever seen. He is really present and never gets tired of playing with her or reading books to her. He's excited to teach to Isabella all kinds of things and I'm so proud of that. Every time she I see him with Isabella I admire him and trying to do the same.

There are so many things in this life to learn but your children are the best teachers. You learn so many things from them.

Back to the reality

It's 5 am and I've been awake for almost 2,5 hours... Yeah, I woke up when my baby girl woke up and I had to calm her down back to sleep. She fell asleep, I did not. I tried so hard but after two hours laying on the bed trying to fall asleep I decided to do something else. I suffer insomnia. I have always had problems with sleeping. Since I can remember, I have always had a difficult time to fall asleep and go back to sleep. I still have this rhythm waking up with Isabella to feed her, even though I haven't needed to do that for almost 5 months. Any tips?

My insomnia right now has a very simple reason: jet lag. 10 hours time difference is a lot. They say that it is always easier to go to the west and harder to the east. I agree. And they also say that it takes as many days to recover from jet lag as many hours is the time difference. I agree that too.

So, we are back home and it's so good! We truly love our small home. We have made it exactly how we have wanted and it's awesome. It's so good to be back home. We were gone a month and it feels so long.

Our eating habits were totally different, read: worse. I didn't feel good at all, neither my husband. So I'm excited to go back to our sugar-free and wheat free diet again. Before I tried this "new" diet a year ago I didn't think that my body felt bad, but going back to the old diet I noticed the change immediately. I felt so much weaker, more tired and my guts weren't working. That motivates me to go back to the healthier diet again. It takes time to get the body to cleanse all the bad food I have eaten and it's not easy, but it's so worth it.

The funny thing I noticed during our trip, I didn't crave any sugar. And if I ate something sweet, I didn't enjoy it. I was so happy about that. I was a sugar addict and now my taste buds have changed! That's amazing. It has been a long road and it hasn't been easy but it's so worth it. I love the way I have changed. I'm thinking differently about nutrition than ever before. I also know so much more about nutrition than ever before and I am so excited to learn more and more. Recently we watched with my husband a documentary called "Food Inc." It was eye opening and put me thinking how much meat I should eat and what kind. Obviously, it was made in the USA and I don't believe the food industry is similar to Finland, but it made me think that I should start thinking about where I buy my meat and what kind. We can't afford only organic food, but if we ate mostly vegetarian and twice a week good quality meat, that could work.

I'm excited to go back to our own routines and start living healthier again. I also tried lots of yoga during the vacation and I feel amazing! It really helps my back pain and I also love the energizing feeling what I get from it. I love feeling stronger and I feel that I'm capable of doing so much more now. I highly recommend adding 10-15 minutes yoga for your day, it's amazing!

A healthy option for a cake: watermelon cake!

Meat pizza (the crust is made from meat).

Zucchini ham gluten free bread.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

3.4.2017

It's amazing how much love you can have for such a small creature. Every day I feel so blessed by my own daughter. She gave me the ability to love in a way that I wouldn't have ever imagined. She is the most amazing thing in the whole world. Every day I look at her thinking "how wonderful little creature she is". Now she has discovered her tongue and she's showing that all the time and licking everything. It's pretty cute.

Even though she can be annoying sometimes and I'm often tired because of her, still every day she gives me so much joy and happiness. I could kiss her all day long and still feel that I haven't kissed her enough. She is so kissable! I could hug her and squeeze her so much but I have to be careful not to break her 😅.

Now when Isabella is already 7 months old, it's hard to remember the time when she was born. I have been going through her smallest clothes and realized how much clothes she had. I remember being stressed because I didn't have time to use all the clothes she had. Now I would know better how much and what kind of clothes would be good.

It's crazy how fast babies grow. A few months ago she couldn't do much and I was frustrated with her because she was getting tired laying on the floor. We had to carry her all the time. Now she is the totally different girl. She is the happiest baby in the world. She smiles all the time and giggles when I do something funny. The best moments I have with her when we laugh together. I laugh because she laughs and she laughs because I laugh. I love spending time with her. When she's fussy, I hold her and we go to the mirror and watch each other and make faces or I put her on the floor and sing to her and she enjoys so much. I can't wait to see what kind of personality she will have later. She is already showing a quite strong temper and I know that I might have a hard time with her. Oh boy..! At least we grow along with her.

It is amazing to realize how you can control your own child, most of the times... I mean when you realize what works and what doesn't. I have learned with Isabella, that I have to use a lot of humor with her. It also calms me down when I start singing something silly while she cries when I feed her. All of a sudden she stops crying and listens to my funny songs and finishes her food. Or if she's being fussy on the floor I might go play with her or start making funny rhythms and she gets so happy. My husband has started to do same because it works. Some outsider would think we are insane if he saw us 😂.  Well, we are just little bit different parents. It's exciting to see how our daughter will be like.

The Word You Want to Hear

19.3.2017

It's funny that nowadays when you can share everything you want in social media, you most often post things you have accomplished. Everyone likes compliments and it feels even better when you have done something and someone notices that and is grateful for it without you bragging about it. I do that very often to my husband. I love house chores and I feel very productive and proud of myself when I have cooked, cleaned, baked and done laundry within those 5 hours while my husband is at school. Then when he comes home I tell him what I have accomplished and he is proud of me and says thank you for doing all of that. I feel so much better, I feel that I have really done something very productive. Just a simple word "thank you" makes me feel so good.

Today I was feeling very energetic and started to cook and baked like crazy. Then I had so many things on my mind and felt like bragging to my husband what I'm doing and what I still want to do. But all of a sudden I felt exhausted and realized what I was doing. Whenever I have a need to list to someone how much work I have done and what exactly I've done it feels like bragging and whenever I stay quiet about my accomplishments it feels so much better when someone notices it without telling them.

So today I stopped myself when I went crazy with my thoughts. I was thinking to do so much and luckily I sat down and took a deep breath and relaxed. I still have this feeling that I need to do so much while Isabella is napping. I never know how long she sleeps during the day and whenever I have put her for a nap start thinking what I want to do when I have alone time. Every single day I have to remind myself that I need to calm down and do the things what I really want to do and some of the stuff I can do while Isabella is awake. Very often I find myself disappointed when I have taught how much I want to do and then I haven't done anything or enough. It's stupid.. But I realized that whenever I like doing something I don't need to brag about it, but if I need an encouragement I have to tell what I have been doing.

I love sharing recipes. When I was crazy about sugar I was baking all the time. Every time when someone came over I started to stress what could I bake. I had to think something that I haven't offered to that guest yet and needed to find an amazing recipe. Almost every time my guests were impressed by my baking skills and very often they left home with a recipe with them. I enjoyed that but at the same time, it was quite stressful. I made it stressful. When I started my new diet I noticed that I stopped stressing out whenever someone came to visit. It was such a relief! Now I bake less but cook more and it's fun! Now I just want to share all my recipes with my friends because the food I cook is awesome and it's healthy. The best thing is that I don't stress about it anymore. Besides, I started to plan ahead our meals for the coming week and that took one big stress away from me. My sister in law came to visit us and she got excited about the food I cooked. I promised her that I will share the recipes with her. Since I use mostly recipes from www.iquitsugar.com  or Sarah Wilson's books in English, so I started translating them into Finnish for her. I am a fan of Sarah Wilson 😁. She makes cooking fun and simple. One day I want to come up with my own sugar-free recipes, but I guess first I need more knowledge about all the different kinds of ingredients and how to combine them.

Our baby girl is growing so fast. All of a sudden she just became such a big girl. She learned to crawl two days ago and now she is very adventurous little human. She loves mirrors and her pictures. She loves her mom and dad the most that is for sure. She also loves guests. She loves when people come over. I hope that lasts. I'm trying to make her social but you never know what kind she will be when she grows. I love spending time with her. My favorite game with her is when I dress her up. Sometimes when I need to keep her awake I start dressing her up with all the dresses she has and making her look like a princess. Then we go to see a mirror and I say how beautiful she is and she can't stop smiling. I know what do you think, it's probably more fun for me than it's for her.. I loved playing with barbies and dolls when I was a kid and now I have a real live doll 😅! My husband always laughs and says to Isabella: "Is mommy playing that you are a doll again?". Then I take pictures of her of course.


Ps. If you are interested in cooking sugar-free or just like to try the recipes what I make, let me know so I can share those with you.

The Biggest Challenge

6.4.2017

Somehow I love challenges and very often I take the biggest challenge for myself and later I realize that it's too much and I can't handle it. Well, eventually I succeed with my challenges and become stronger and feel so good about myself. There are also times that I want some things to go easier but very often I find myself in front of a big challenge. In this case, I mean my baby girl.

I would have punched the person who would have said me four months ago that everything gets easier with your baby when she grows older (and many did..). At that time those kinds of comments didn't help me at all. Short nights and fussy baby during the day who didn't nap longer than 45 minutes was heavy for me. Nevertheless, I feel so good about myself that I survived. I didn't want to do what would have been the easiest to do, just because I am not like that. I have mentioned many times how I was thinking that I know "everything" about babies and know how to raise well-behaved kids, and I was thinking that I will be a perfect mom. I have learned my lesson and my feet got back to the ground in the very first month after I gave birth to our daughter. I wasn't perfect, not even close. I was disappointed with myself when I didn't know how to take care of my own baby. When our neighbors or some relatives were asking how is the motherhood and how is it going with the baby, I wanted to be honest, and every time I said that it is quite heavy because she is crying quite a lot. Every time the respond was that "yeah, well, babies cry". Really?? Then I had to add to that "yeah, but she's crying a lot, and doesn't sleep very much." And the respond was "time goes so fast, just wait and she is walking on her own and going to school, enjoy your time with the baby now!" I got so angry. After those kinds of comments, I felt that did I do enough? Do I do something wrong? Now I know that I did everything that I could. I was doing my best. Now when I look back that time I feel so relieved and I'm proud of myself how I survived from that time. And I know now that not all babies cry all the time. There is always a reason why a baby cries. Sometimes you just can't find the reason.

She is my baby doll 😁

It is hard to remember that time very clear and it feels that it happened a long time ago. Now I understand the comments that "time goes so fast" and "soon you will be annoyed when your baby girl wants to touch everything and is crawling everywhere". At that time when I was suffering my shoulder pain because of all the carrying with a colicky baby, that sounded so much easier. Only if my baby would give me a little break that I wouldn't need to carry her all the time. Now she's the happiest baby on the planet. She's exploring her world and touching everywhere. Just recently she started to stand up on her own and now the only thing she wants to do is to stand up on her feet. Every day I fell in love with her again.

Since I was a child, I wanted to be a mom. I took care of my dolls and pretending to be a mom. I always wanted four kids. I don't know why. I have two older siblings and felt left alone ever since I grew as an adult. I remember asking my mom could she get pregnant again, I wanted to have a little brother. I didn't want to be the youngest, I wanted someone to play with since I was too young for my sister and brother. I guess that is the reason why I always wanted to have four children so no one would feel left alone. I remember when we started dating with my husband that the very first day of I told him that I want to have four children and I have names already for them. At the same time, I realized and said to him that maybe we have to think about the names again since they were very Finnish and hard to pronounce for my husband. I never thought to marry a foreign guy😀! Now I have changed my mind about a number of children. I can barely handle one child! Every time when I see moms with more than two kids I look at them and think "how do they do that?!". At the same time, I am disappointed with myself how come I can't be like that? Don't get me wrong, again I love being a mom and I wouldn't change this time for anything else, but being a mom has always been my biggest dream and I have to learn it through the hardest way. Now I enjoy so much being a mom and I am so proud of my little princess who is charming everyone where we go. She has the cutest toothless smile and she is so curious about everything and is very calm. Totally different girl than a few months ago. Now she sleeps like an angel, long naps. Of course every now and then she is moody, but that's normal.

The number of the kids has been a hard topic for me. We discuss that with my husband quite a lot. I have this obsession to have four children because it has been my dream but finally, I can admit to myself that I am not that kind, it is too much. It is such a relief to admit and realize that it has been an obsession for me to have plenty of kids and understand that what are my abilities to handle things. I have to be gracious for myself so I can enjoy my life fully. I like it like this. For now, this is good. Let the future take care of itself.

In the meantime, if you are struggling with a newborn right now, hang in there sister, I feel you! I won't give any "wise words" because that just feels annoying, I just want to say, that I understand you. You don't need to be strong, you can cry along the baby. That's what I did when I couldn't handle the baby's crying anymore and didn't know what to do when my husband wasn't at home to help me. And those moms who have more than two kids, I admire you, seriously! I just can't stop thinking "how do you do that?" (in the kindest way possible of course!).

Give a Little Mercy to Yourself

I have always thought that because I love cooking/baking, I have to like throwing parties as well. I have forced myself to like it and pretended that it's fun. I have never thrown a party for myself. My mom and my sister love planning parties, so I thought that I need to love it too. But just recently I have realized that I don't like it. It's too much stress and planning. Yes, I love cooking and baking, but just for a small amount at a time. Every time when someone says that I have to throw a party I freak out. I don't like inviting a bunch of people because I feel like I can't enjoy that time because I have to host so many people at the same time. I love having guests, but just a few people at a time.

I would want to be that kind of person who enjoys throwing parties but it's a relief to finally admit that to myself that I'm just not that kind and it's okay. My husband is this very American person who enjoys having people over and hosting and there are not that many times that he wants to do something on his own. He loves parties and wants to encourage me to host as well. I am the opposite. I'm very Finnish. That's an opposite itself already but to open it up a little bit, I'm quite shy and I like privacy and my own space. In Finland, there's not a thing called "awkward silence". We can be a group of people and be silent at times and it's not awkward. I know that sounds really weird for a non-Finn, but silence and privacy are quite important things for Finns. During this two years that we've been married, my husband has taught me hospitality. I admire American hospitality and I've wanted to learn to be a good host but it has been really difficult because it's something that it's out of my comfort zone. My husband has been a very good teacher and been very encouraging and patient with me. Now I can say that I'm doing so much better.

Still, I'm freaking out a little bit if I need to cook for more than two or three people. I don't know why, but I think it's because it's hard for me to be in charge of the whole situation. I'm afraid that people won't enjoy their time or there will be this awkwardness. I would like to learn out of that. My husband is so natural with people, for me it's not that natural. He loves inviting people for lunch or dinner. Every time when he meets a new person, he wants to invite that person for a dinner and I freak out. I don't even know this person!! Yeah, well that's how you get to know that person, he usually responds to me. For a (shy) Finn that is not normal to have people over for dinner who are strangers. In Finland, it is very common that you get to know someone first quite good until you invite them over. A home is a private and comfortable place where you can relax and be yourself. Finns need to gain the person's trust first before they can share their comfortable and private home. This is something where I'm very Finn and I would like to grow out of. Well, I'm learning. Thanks to my loving husband who makes friends everywhere where he goes.

My husband and I love to travel and getting to know different cultures. My husband has been studying Finnish and his class is full of people from different cultures. I have had many friends all over the world and I'm used to different cultures. Sometimes even for me, it is even easier to get to know foreigners in Finland than Finns. That's because foreigners talk, Finns need to gain the trust first until they let you come closer, but when you have gained the trust, Finns are your loyal friends forever. The people who are used to foreigners and know different cultures they are more friendly and easier to get to know. Here is very common not to know your neighbor.

We got lucky when we moved to our current apartment. We enjoy our neighborhood and we have got to know our neighbors. Mostly, thanks to my husband. When we moved he wanted to invite everyone for coffee and introduced himself to every neighbor who he saw. To me, that was a little bit embarrassing, because I'm not used to that. You get to know your neighbors later if you get lucky. If he sees some of our neighbor who he knows already he is in a rush to go to talk to them. I am the opposite, I try not to notice them if I'm not in a social mood. But I've realized how important and nice it is to get to know your neighbors. We have got good friends from our neighbors and we do stuff with them. We help each other and invite each other to do sports or just hang out. That is totally new to me and I enjoy that. Little American comes out of me slowly. Life is fun and sometimes challenging living in two cultures.

6 Month Milestone

Today is the day that I've been waiting to come six months. Haha, you read it right. Our baby girl is today 6 months old. Why have I been waiting for this day to come since she was born? Well, let me be honest with you, she hasn't been the easiest baby. Now she is a bit more predictable and we have more tools to make our daily life easier and we are able to have more fun with her.

She has now started to explore her world more and it is fascinating to see her growth and development. It is also amazing to watch how the smallest things can be so adorable. Her finding her feet, her rolling over after weeks frustration, her eating solids, her playing with a pacifier and putting that to her mouth on her own and her discovering trash on the floor and trying to crab it without any success. She is now very curious of the outside world and every time when I'm pushing the strollers she wants to see where are we. That's the cutest thing ever! She still can't sit on her own and crawl but it's just matter of time when she finds out how that works. We have already lost our bets with my husband when she will crawl, but it's just so close!

The Americans 😆

I love going out with our little princess. I constantly set dates with my mom friends and going to different mom groups because I enjoy it and Isabella also loves it. I have found a totally new side of myself; being socially active :D! Who would have thought that a baby can encourage you to do that? I have been very shy child and started to come out of my shell when I was already in my twenties. My husband is the opposite of me. He loves social situations and I love that about him. He can make friends so easy and doesn't have problem asking people over. If it was up to him, we would have guests every day :D. But I'm too Finnish and I need some alone time. I hope our little one is having her dad's social skills so she wouldn't need to learn those social skills as an adult.

I have had for a long time this "getting rid of stuff" -mood. I feel like we are constantly buying stuff and thinking that "we need it". Our favorite store is this Red cross salvation army second hand store where you can find anything. It's so clean and well organized and they test that everything works before they put them for sail. We have bought furnitures, (most of the) baby stuff, dishes and much more from there. We go there weekly just to look around what they have. And almost every time I find something cute for Isabella (surprise!). So I got inspired by my cousin to have a break of buying clothes for myself. She said that she had a year break that she didn't buy clothes for herself and my reaction was instantly that how did you do that?? Her answer was simply that she stopped going to the clothing stores. I started to think about that and was excited to challenge myself to do the same but wasn't sure if I could do it. A year without any new clothes, that's insane! But at the same time I have my wardrobe full of clothes and there is lots and lots of clothes that I have never used. How stupid is that..? So what's the point of buying new clothes all the time if you don't use them, I asked myself. Now I'm thinking still should I do the break and the more I think about it the more excited I become. So this is closer to that step that I want, at least no more clothes for me.

Motherhood

Being a mom is one of the most challenging things I've ever done in my life. But at the same time it's the most precious and wonderful time in my life. Sometimes when I have hard time with Isabella, I'm thinking that how my life would be without her, and I realize that it wouldn't be the same, it would be boring and I would have this longing what I had and disappeared when I had Isabella. I wouldn't change this time for anything.

I have grown with her so much. I even told one friend of mine that I think I've grown 10 years, that is how I feel. My body, my face and my thoughts are older and more mature and I don't know what to think about that.

In this baby stage where we are now, there's no stability. That I have noticed for sure. When something starts being easier, there's coming something else after one or two weeks. We had hard time with her sleeping, it took a month and all of a sudden everything changed and she slept so good waking up only once a night. One night she slept through the whole night waking up after 11 hours! My husband and I were hurraying, but maybe too soon.. Now we are in this stage that she's rolling over on her crib and starts wining because she's stuck or then in the middle of the night she starts playing and she's so energetic so I have no other ideas than feed her so she could calm down. So we are back to the starting line.

One of my friend who has two toddlers said that the first year with the baby is constant changing. Going through different faces. There's so much developing in the first year so nothing is stable. It's exciting but sometimes exhausting.

Barbecuing at a nearby farm.

I've enjoyed my long maternity leave so much. I'm enjoying all the things that I can do with my sweetheart. I've kept myself (and Isabella) quite busy and it's good. I've never been like this before and I'm excited about how I've changed. First time in my life I'm social and trying to get friends and I think it's easier than ever before. Who would have thought? I'm going to different mom groups and sharing how're things with the baby and very often we have same struggles. It motivates me and helps me think that I'm not a bad mom or I haven't failed. Very often I feel that I'm glad we don't have those problems when I hear other moms' struggles. But at the same time trying to help them if I can.

Every face is very special and precious with your baby but you always wish your baby to be little bit further until you realize that it's over and you miss the baby time. Right now Isabella is rolling over all the time and gets frustrated because she can't crawl yet. She's really trying but doesn't have the ability yet. Just this week I heard many moms saying to me that be happy that she stays still. Then I said that I'm looking forward that she starts moving so it would be easier and could entertain herself little bit longer. We always want something else we don't have, right?

What comes to my well being. I'm doing so much better. I don't crave sugar anymore. I love good and nutritious food. I love cooking and exploring my cooking skills. I'm constantly looking for new sugar and gluten free recipes. I feel good in my body and now I have started to exercise as well little bit more when I'm not hurting anymore. It feels good to feel your muscles working. I feel alive. I just feel more tired than ever before. I feel that my hormones don't help me anymore to keep me going. Can't wait that I can sleep first night after almost 6 months.

The Challenges of The Baby Life

Isabella's first flight!

Our little princess is now almost 5 months old and I'm enjoying every moment with her, almost. When ever she reached the 3 month old stage she has been so much happier and easier baby. No holding her anymore all the time when she's awake. We visited US for Christmas for three weeks and she was like a new baby! We were so surprised how well she adapted to everything. Big dogs barking and licking her face, no reaction. Long car rides and we have a baby asleep! Shopping with mommy, so exciting (can you believe it?! Natural shopper 😜).

Look guys, she's sleeping!!

We were so excited about our easy baby, until we came back home.. It felt like we have a brand new baby again and even harder, she stopped sleeping during night...! We were exhausted because of the jet lag and our lovely girl is really testing her parents' patience. First week was horrible, she woke up EVERY hour. I didn't know what to do so I just started to give the pacifier to her and she became addicted to it. So now every time the pacifier has dropped she wakes up! So nice! NOT! I made a very bad habit for her. But at the same time it's easier just to give her that because it calms her down.

The best buddies

We also really wanted to start to give solid food when we come back home. So I started, first week was great, she was eating and enjoying the new tastes. Second week came and I kept giving her more food and different flavors and little by little she started to become very sensitive and was crying a lot and couldn't sleep during the day at all. So I became frustrated and didn't know what to do. I couldn't sleep much because she was waking up so much. She was clearly uncomfortable but I had no idea what to do. I was exhausted and thinking that this is our life now forever. It felt so endless. So it came out just today, that she's having a very first tooth coming and was constipated almost a week. No wonder she was little fussy.. The situation is little bit better now but I feel little worried about going to bed still because I know that I need to get up so many times because of her pacifier.. What a habit I created...! We'll see how the new week starts.

Burgers in America (why not?)

It is funny and also nice how this baby life goes through different stages. I feel that every week is different with her. If I have been frustrated and almost giving up (can you really give up parenting??), the next week starts differently and easier.

I love her stage right now. She is now crapping things with her hands, she's smiling all the time, she's testing her voice (which is sometimes quite loud..) and is so interested in of everything. It's fascinating to observe and follow how she's growing. We have so much fun with her together with my husband. She's adorable.

Christmas in Seattle

Life Unexpected

When I was still pregnant I thought that I knew everything about babies and if I didn't know yet, I wanted to learn and read so much. I did everything to prepare myself for my new and exciting life. I had many things in my mind what to do and what not to do. I didn't want to repeat other moms' mistakes. I was very prepared for all the difficulties what might come up and thought that I didn't need to suffer for the short and stressful nights with my baby girl. I had all the knowledge what to do since the baby is new born that what I should do and how I can make her to sleep through the night.  How wrong I was about everything. It wasn't that easy. The easy tricks didn't work with my baby. I was way too stressed about thinking to do everything right. I wanted it to work. I wanted to show to everyone how well I can take care of my baby and how I do things easier and we all are happier. But nothing went like that. I started to stress because I couldn't get my baby to sleep. She didn't sleep during the day much but slept her nights pretty good. I woke up with her only twice every night and thought that it was hard.

Now things are even worse. I thought that her nights would get easier when she gets older but it happened the opposite. She stopped sleeping during night. She wakes up so many times during night and sometimes I don't even know anymore what to do to get her back to sleep. I keep repeating to myself that this is just a face, hang in there. But man it's hard! I have absolutely no idea how many hours I'm sleeping a night. And I can feel it in my body. I keep eating quite well, avoiding sugars and wheat as much as possible and eating lots of vegetables and oils. I have been thinking about that if I ate like I used to did, so much candy and wheat I don't even know how exhausted I would be right now. Almost all the time I feel that I'm not present, because I'm so tired. I feel sometimes that when I'm talking to someone I'm not making any sense because I just can't think. I keep forgetting things and now I understand when new parents say that before you have a baby you have no idea how tired you can be. So now I have experienced the life unexpected. It's real. It's awful. But I'm still alive and well. I just keep repeating to myself that tomorrow is a new day. But I love my baby girl so very much! She has my whole heart and can't be mad at her. It's not her fault that she can't sleep.

Isabella is tomorrow five months old and she's developing so much almost every day. She has two teeth coming, she can turn from her back to stomach, she can put the pacifier on her own if it's close to her and she's eating solid food. I'm little sad that she doesn't enjoy breast feeding anymore. She used to spend 20-30 minutes eating breast milk, now barely 5 minutes.

Many moms say that they would do almost everything differently with their second one. I don't know what I would do differently. I had all the information what should I do, what works and what doesn't, but I just simply didn't know how to get that information in to practice. The only things I would do differently is that I wouldn't stress so much and tried not to be the "perfect mom". I just had to admit to myself that there's no shortcut to raise your baby. You just need to get to know your own baby and take all the advises and help you get and try and when you have tried everything you slowly learn what works with your baby. It's not easy but it's worth of all the hard work.

Hard Work, Good Results

I have been a mother now 9 weeks. It sounds so short time but it feels much longer. Our little princess is growing fast and learning everyday something new. Like we too as parents. Past nine weeks have been like a rollercoaster, lots of crying, frustration, puffy eyes, lots of joy and laughter. She gives us so much joy and we enjoy her company. Every day we are wondering how cute baby our little precious girl is.

I have always admired moms. They are like superheroes and they always find solution to problems and know what to do. It is funny how much you can learn from your baby. I feel already that within this last two weeks I have learnt to solve some problems that I thought I couldn't survive. I think that one of the best things for being as a mom, is to find new solutions. I have been all ears and eyes what comes to taking care a baby. I haven't been ashamed to admit that I have no idea what to do when my baby cries all days and nothing helps, I haven't even pretended to say that everything is all right when I have been clueless what's wrong when I can't get my baby to sleep during the day. But it is funny that no matter how much you get help and advices you still need to find your own way to solve your problems with the baby. One thing I have learnt for sure, that every single baby is a unique and what works to another doesn't necessarily work with your baby, you just need to learn to do things your own way.

Our baby was crying a lot first eight weeks. We have had much easier now when I have got her to sleep during the day. I got so much help but nothing seemed to help. After reading tons of baby books and magazines and discussing with friends and family who have kids I decided that she needs to know that there is a time for a day that she needs to sleep. So I helped her to get to that routine and after waking up in the morning I ate breakfast, got her ready and started my morning walk with her. I decided that I need to get her sleep even once during the day. I walked so much. I was walking an hour and 30 minutes and she was sleeping. When we got home she woke up and I was a need of a nap and my legs hurt.. I fed her every three hours and when she started to get tired I put her in the carrier and carried her an hour or so and every time she fell a sleep. I did that one week and I was exhausted. I was so done with my morning marathons and being up on my feet the whole day until my husband came home so he could carry her for a change. After one week I was complaining to my husband that it can't go like that, I need to stop carrying her when she sleeps, there has to be some other way to get her sleep than walking with her or carrying her. My husband listened to me and said that be patient this is just a face, it will end one day. And believe it or not, it ended! The next day I was for a walk with our neighbour who has a baby too and I was complaining our situation to her that I'm tired of this that she doesn't sleep during day. Then my neighbour said that try to put her outside to the balcony to sleep. I said I did try that earlier but she doesn't sleep there, every time the strollers stop moving she wakes up

. My neighbour heard my frustration and said, just try. Then I tried and it worked!! She was sleeping her first long naps (2 hours) outside! I was so amazed. As a Finn I was a pessimist and thinking that I might got just lucky that it wouldn't work next time, but what happened, she was sleeping again the next day two hours and again and again and again! It worked! My hard work was paid dividends! I was so happy. Finally I got her to sleep during the day and I could get some things done meanwhile and as a result we have now happier and more satisfied baby!

Isabella sleeping on our balcony

Now you might think if you're not a Finn, that what on earth, you put your baby outside to sleep?! Yep, that's how it goes here in Finland, the babies sleep so much better outside. We put lots of clothes on for them and they are all covered inside the bassinet that sometimes they are even sweating when they are done with their naps. It is a long tradition and everybody who has a balcony or backyard do that for their babies. Of course there is a limit that if it is more than -10 Celsius degrees then it's too cold even for the babies to sleep outside. I have no idea what I will do when we go to visit US for Christmas, I don't want to deal with policemen..! Then I guess I need to find new solutions and my baby will teach me. Parenthood is all about learning and finding solutions for the problems.

The Baby Has Arrived

Being a mother is not anything what I expected. It's so much more. When I was pregnant I thought I was fully prepared for everything. Also I had been babysitting new borns and other babies and toddlers so much so I thought that I am natural mom who will know all the tips. I thought that our baby won't cry or if she does I know how to make her calm down. I had also prepared myself of various kinds of parenting tips reading books and magazines and thought that nothing couldn't go wrong.

How innocent and unaware I was. Our baby started to cry right a way when we got back from the hospital and we didn't know what to do. I was so tired holding her after feeding her all the time so I put her to the bed and thought that now I start the training for her that she would need to learn how to entertain herself. She wasn't even a week old.. I had so much pressure from myself that I needed to succeed and I needed to show to everyone how good mother I was and how I knew how to raise a good kid. I knew so much but I had no idea how to relax and how to begin. I didn't give myself time to relax and enjoy the little baby girl. At the same time I wanted everything else to work at home. I wanted our home to be clean all the time and wanted to be able to cook and be a good wife. Also I had so much other things I wanted to do. I wanted to know so much more about nutrition and more about baby stuff. I had many books I wanted to read but I was exhausted to start any of them. I felt annoyed every time when I was to interrupted of the things I was doing. When I fed the baby I didn't know what to do with her. I had no idea that I needed to put her back to bed because she wasn't able to do anything else. So I tried to keep her awake and she was crying so much. I didn't know what to do. Then I tried to put her to bed and that didn't work. I felt like a failure. The first day when my husband went back to school I was crying together with my baby because I didn't know how to calm her down. Then my husband came home, took her and she fell asleep. I thought that I was not made for being a mom. I wanted to give up.

Still three weeks later I have this huge pressure in my shoulders that I need to do everything right. The funny thing is that no one expects from me that. I just have these goals in my head what I want to achieve with the baby but it feels impossible. I just want to show to everyone that taking care of a baby is just an attitude question. This is the first time I can write my thoughts down. I feel that I finally can do it. After hearing older mothers and reading others'

experiences about the first weeks with a baby I feel that I am not a different than any other mom. I finally could admit that to myself that no matter how well you prepare yourself for the parenthood the reality is always different. You never know what kind of your baby is and how challenging it actually is. So small human has such big needs. It's a full time job and you need to give up your old life style.

First time outside walking 

I also realised that no matter how old you are when you become a mom, everyone is still as unprepared as anyone else. The journey starts when you get to hold your little one for the first time. That moment is so beautiful but also scary because from that moment everything changes. There's not just you anymore, there's a a half copy of yourself who you need to keep alive 24/7. The patient what you need to have is something that grows along the journey of motherhood. I realised that this is not a competition that I need to win. There is no "the best mother" prices.

These past three weeks feels longer than it has been. I feel that I have grown a lot after she was born. She has taught me so much patience and every time when I look at her I realise how big miracle she is. I feel so much love for her, that kind of love that I have never experienced before, I guess it's called unconditional love. It is amazing feeling. Every evening my husband and I are looking at our little princess how beautiful she is. She is the fruit of our love. She is so pure and beautiful. Every time when she has slept longer than an hour I start missing her. When I smell her smell in my clothes I start missing her smell from her skin.

The Last Weeks...

I am so done. My appetite is crazy, my emotions (read hormones..) are too much and the lack of sleep is killing me. Oh well, I am sure all the moms now think that "she doesn't know anything yet, wait when the baby is here!", but at least then I have my body back to normal, I can get more things done and some of that long lost energy back.

I feel that I've been waiting for so long this time where I am right now. I knew that I'd be tired and without energy at this point but some days I feel that this is just overwhelming. Normally I am quite active person and I like to go places, see people, do things with my hands and do sports. This pregnancy has been quite a challenge to me because I haven't been able to do those things. Last few months I have been tired and felt very heavy which have discouraged me to do stuff. I still ride my bike, but my bump is hanging now quite low so it is little bit difficult and I can't go that far anymore. I am very happy that I can ride my bike. I wouldn't have believed in the beginning of the summer that I still could do it! Since we don't have a car and taking a bus costs too much money for us right now, I'm happy that I can go places still quite easy. But other than that, my life is now pretty limited. Walking is not my favourite right now, it feels so heavy! I'm still trying to do some yoga because my shoulders, back and my butt muscles are aching because of the limited sleeping positions (which I have two..).

But I don't want to complain more.

Ps. These pictures are taken at our neighbourhood

33rd Week's Dilemma

This is my 33rd week and I'm getting impatient. I don't know how I feel when the weeks gets closer and closer but right now my wellbeing is tested. Being pregnant is a hard work. I had no idea. Even thinking about it to do it again and again and maybe once again puts me to think that can I really handle all of this uncomfortableness and different kinds of pains and symptoms. We'll see how things go, and it could be that I don't remember all of this such a painful process like it is right now. And like they say, the second pregnancy goes faster and sometimes easier when you already know what to expect.

Being pregnant is at the same time exciting and frustrating. To me at least it has been like that. It is fascinating to feel a little human growing inside your belly and to see all the changes in your body. There are so many things which are hard to explain to my husband but fortunately he is very patient and also I have friends who I can share my journey on becoming a mom. It is so helpful to hear other moms having similar thoughts and symptoms and frustrations when being pregnant. It gives me strength and motivation to keep going, one day I will see our precious treasure.

One day I was going through the clothes what I have bought for our little one and then I was thinking that how funny it is to prepare everything to someone that you haven't met yet. How do I know how does she looks like? Do the clothes that I have bought look good on her? What is her colour? As you can tell, I have a lot extra time. These are so silly thoughts I have but also good thoughts to not to go crazy with the baby stuff before the little one is here.

Who needs a table when you
can eat from your bump?

I would say that the third trimester is definitely the hardest time. I remember being so anxious when my bump wasn't still growing and I had to wear so skinny clothes so people could see that I'm carrying a baby inside me. Second trimester was definitely the easiest time when I didn't suffer the morning sickness anymore. I could go for long walks and even though I didn't enjoy my body and felt uncomfortable still I could do anything to go back to that stage, or not having at least this back ache that I have now. Now I suffer lots of uncomfortable symptoms. They are pretty normal pregnancy symptoms but people don't talk about these symptoms that much. I understand, I don't feel like complaining all the time either. Fortunately I don't have a big bump because I don't think I could handle that. It's hard enough to carry even this one. I would need to stretch my back and shoulders every 15 minutes and that's what I do in order to keep myself little bit more comfortable. Okay, I'm lucky that I'm still able to ride a bike. That is getting harder and harder too but at least I don't need to walk everywhere. And what comes to walking, it's not that easy anymore.. I need to rest quite often.

Gift from the Finnish government

When I started the 33rd week, I faced a new pregnancy symptom, hunger. And I don't mean the same hunger what I had in the first trimester but now I feel that I'm starving all the time. I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel that I will die if I can't have something to eat. It's crazy! I need to eat every three hours because I'm so hungry. And I don't like it. Thank God I quit sugar! At least now I eat something healthier instead of buns and cakes.

The baby shower gift
from my best girls

What comes to my new diet, it's really working. Quitting sugar was really difficult especially now when I have these crazy cravings but I'm glad I did it. I feel much better mentally. I don't need to stress about the food or what do I bake. Even having guests over doesn't cause me stress because I don't need to create something "special" for them like I used to think. I can't wait to see how do I feel after giving birth do I have more energy because I don't eat sugar. Well, maybe that is not still the best time to test myself in that area since I'm sure I won't have too much energy anyway because of the baby.. but anyway, I'm sure that it helps me to have even little bit more energy than comparing if I ate the same way like I did 3 months ago. I'm also curious to know more and more about nutrition. I have such a hunger for new information and I love it. The more I know the easier it gets to rationalise that I don't need sugar and wheat. Oh yes, I still have cravings, every once in a while I would love to have a bun or ice cream but now I don't have that "need" anymore that I used to have. I can rationalise myself not having it. And I also know that I can survive without it. My husband has been very encouraging to me. He has his own battles with sugar and wheat but at least he keeps me not having all that junk at our house.

Of course I don't want to become too strict with this new diet. And I don't want it to be a big deal where ever I go. Whenever I go visit someone or if there is a party of course I am going to eat the food what they have there. It's not harmful to eat some cake or sweets if it's just a one time thing. Also I don't need to eat that if there is something else to eat. But for example we are going to wedding and there is a cake, I will eat the cake (not the whole cake though..). I won't make myself to feel guilty about eating something if it's just a one time thing. Although everything is about making a decision. Not giving up to your desires. When I realised that, giving up of sugar was so much easier.

Everything is ready for the princess!